A friend called me and said, Addiction is the gift that keeps giving. Even when our addicted loved one is living a healthy life, resentments, past hurts and old patterns of behavior remain in our hearts and minds like the Ghost of Christmas Past. A word is spoken and the chains of the past rattle. I’m so tired of fighting the old feelings. How easy it is to fall back – not only for those of us who love the recovering addict, but for the addict himself.
My reflection: Addiction does so much damage that, even when it’s gone or asleep, it continues to haunt us. I remember a phone conversation I had with my son when he was three years healthy. After a few minutes, I said, “You sound tired.” He responded in a hurt tone, “I know what you’re trying to say, Mom, but I’m fine. I haven’t relapsed, I’m simply tired.” I felt sad – sad for us both.
Today’s Promise to consider: I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions, but this year I set an intention for forgiveness, for all of us. We’ll never forget all the traumas of addiction, but we can learn to forgive. Before my mom died, she said, “I think forgiveness comes in waves.” Today I pray: Dear Lord, may the waves of forgiveness touch us all, one layer at a time, deeper and deeper.