A recovering addict told me: Dying didn’t matter. I couldn’t have been any worse off than I was, but I definitely didn’t fear death. If you die, that’s sort of a blessing. I was raised Catholic, but suicide didn’t scare me, didn’t scare me to be in limbo, or purgatory, or wherever you go. I don’t know, but I figured I had to stay here on earth and suffer for the shit I did to the people I hurt.
My reflection: When my son was in active addiction, I would have sold my soul to know what it would take for him to put down the drugs and change his life. With each of his bottoms, I prayed for his salvation.
Today’s Promise to consider: Addicts are overwhelmed by the obsession to use – it often belies their own understanding. Sometimes even death isn’t a deterrent in the race for the drug. I pray that our loved ones choose life, but what will it take? I will stay close in love and hope.
My son woke up and found his girlfriend dead on the floor from heroin overdose. They both were scheduled to get a vivitrol shot the next day. She went out while he was asleep and bought heroin. I can only hope this is enough to make him stop. He has lost so many friends.
The end to our loved one’s addiction is an individual truth uniquely hidden deep within the diseased mind and soul. No one is privy to this individualized journey therefore we have no part in the final outcome. We may think we do but then that is simply willful blindness which protects us against our worst fears. The tortured logic of our addicted child leads them into the great abyss of addiction through their cognitive illusions. Addiction goal is to leave everyone in total hopelessness but those of us who have committed our lives to our own recovery know the truth of addiction. We have learned how to penetrate addiction’s armor and weaken it on a continual basis and eventually addiction will wear itself out due to the lack of that which gives it life (enabling). while all along the addicted child repeatedly hears the voice of those that love them sharing their hope, compassion, love and forgiveness. Death is but another tool that addiction uses to weaken our resolve. We have absolutely no control over death so it serves no purpose to focus on it. We focus on what we can do and we never quit or give up hope. it is God who gives each of us our purpose and strength to fight the good fight. Prayers for everyone who suffers from the disgusting disease.
Every day my son is clean I celebrate. Every time I hear of another victim of overdose I know it could have been him and yes it still could be .. because though I live in faith and hope and gratitude .. recovery is a life long process for all of us and I never ever take it for granted . Prayers for all on this journey.
My thoughts exactly. My son has been clean 17 months. His first sponsor OD. My son told me this brings reality into the picture for him. He knows he can never ever use again. I know this is a lifetime effort.