A FATHER ASKS, “WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?”

Photo Credit: Davood Madadpoor

A father wrote to me: I have three sons. Two out of three have an addiction, and I have been dealing with this for six years with the oldest and five years with the youngest. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I try not to enable and am getting better. I write short stories about their lives and how their addictions have affected them and everyone else, but I can never seem to gather my thoughts fully in order to complete anything. Maybe it’s because I am always on my guard.

My reflection: As parents of addicted loved ones, we are forever on guard and our attention is scattered. Our lives become torturous and we find it almost impossible to concentrate on anything other than our child’s chaos. Even when they are clean and sober, we remain vigilant, watching and listening for any pattern of old – something that will give us a clue that our addict is using again. Every day is clouded with our fears and worries.

Today’s Promise to consider: Too often we make our children’s addictions personal and ask ourselves what are we doing wrong: are our boundaries not strong enough, are we enabling, should we step in with financial help, why one child and not the other? The questions are endless. Today, I’ll stop allowing addiction to beat me up. I’ll pray, reach out to my support group, and prioritize my spiritual program. I’ll remember that I’m not alone.

 

 

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4 Comments on "A FATHER ASKS, “WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?”"

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Pat Nichols
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There came a time when I could no longer maintain my involvement in my child’s addiction, the pain was just too great and had been going on for too long. Then it happened, that special mystical mysterious indescribable experience with God in which I reached out to Him in sincerity, willingness and trust praying to Him, I give my son to you God, I pray for forgiveness and strength. I felt God’s presence and every fiber of my being was at peace. I then began to grieve the loss of the child of my dreams releasing him completely knowing that… Read more »
Sue
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I have not posted here in a very long time but I always read your meditations to help me stay on track. My daughter has been clean now for two and a half years and for that I am so truly happy. What surprises me though is my fears and anxiety are always hovering in the background ready to show their ugly head at any moment. I can wake from sleep convinced something is wrong because she did not respond right away to a text. It is an incredible amount of work to bring myself down again and focus on… Read more »