ADDICTION AND RECOVERY: “MIRACLES HAPPENED WHEN I LET GO OF TRYING TO CHANGE AND CONTROL HIM.”

A mom wrote to me: When I hit MY bottom, began to put the focus on ME, and trust my Higher Power, I was finally able to release myself from fear and find true understanding and compassion for my son and myself. When I let go of trying to change and control him, when I granted him the dignity to face his disease on his own terms, it was then – slowly – the miracles began to unfold. Today he has a good job and the fog seems to be lifting, but I have absolutely no sense of what his lifestyle choices are or what tomorrow might bring. His recovery is his own. I cannot live my life based on him, how he looks, how he “seems.” We try to love him as is, right where he is.

My reflection: When I finally surrendered to my son’s addiction, when I finally let go of trying to fix the consequences of his chaos, and when I finally took my hands off the steering wheel of his life, Jeff made the decision to change.

Today’s Promise to consider: There is room for only one person in each addiction – and I am not that person. Today, I’ll concentrate on my own recovery. I’ll start this New Year by trusting my Higher Power, attending Al-Anon or family group meetings, renewing my commitment to working with a sponsor, and prioritizing my physical health. I’ll trust that a miracle will happen if I stay close, but get out of the way.

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Kim
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Kim

Very good devotion, and I can relate to every word! Encouraging for those moms in the grip of active addiction. Miracles do happen when we stop interfering!

June oliver
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June oliver

Grateful for the comments and hopeful that miracles may yet make their appearance in my family – for a son q addiction and mental health issues . However, I lose faith and become fearful when thinking of my dear friend who lost her son to a fatal overdose. So, how do i view letting go and miracles with the very real possibility of death hanging in the air?

Mindy
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Mindy

Letting go and letting God, must have no strings attached, that is, any expectations of outcomes. Death is a very real outcome in our stories. I remember in the early days of our son’s descent into addiction a friend confronting me with the very real notion of such a result. Yes, it is terrifying, and I lived in fear and worry for many years, often reacting in unhealthy ways, trying to fix and control. When I realized nothing I did made his situation any different and in fact often made things worse, I hit my bottom. I had to save… Read more »

Judy
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Judy

This is so true altho i have not perfected all of it. I still have a tendency to think my way is the right way

Pat Nichols
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After twelve years of enabling our addicted son I sat my wife down at our dinning room table and told her we could no longer be involved in our son’s addiction. She looked at me with a look of shock and disbelief. I told her that if our son were to die due to addiction we would have to hold ourselves accountable for our involvement. If he does die we do not want to be at his funeral and live with the pain of believing we played a part in his death due to our enabling, do we? No response… Read more »

Amber A Maas
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Amber A Maas

My son is 15. He has been introduced to marijuana. I dont believe at this age I can’t let go and allow him to do what he wants. I dont know if he has an addiction. I do know I dont want any of this for him. How do I stop this now??? I pray and pray, pray for strength, pray for guidance, pray to just get through until tomorrow. Maybe I’m just overreacting but I see how drugs ruin people. Can I stop this now?

Pat Nichols
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Hi Amber,

It is suggested for adolescents to intervene early and often. You might want to first seek guidance from an alcohol/drug counselor for you and your husband then the counselor will do an assessment on your son in the next session followed by a family session. This is the initial beginning but one that will hopefully give you a proper direction.

Sue
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Sue

I have not posted in quite some time but I do read the blogs often. This blog touched me at a time I needed it. I am fortunate to have a daughter who is 4 years clean but I still find myself looking at her, trying to determine if she is using again or on the verge. I am getting better as the years go by but still those old fears wake me up at night and can easily consume me if I let them. I have often wondered when these worries will leave me at peace and for the… Read more »