A mother wrote to me: I picked up my son last Friday to go to his grandparents for the weekend. I suspected he was using, but in truth I knew he was using. Why didn’t I have a plan? Why didn’t I tell him to get out of the car and that he was not welcome to be with us? I have to set clear limits, communicate those limits to him and then stick to them. Why is that so difficult?
My response to the above passage: Boundaries keep us safe, yet I found them difficult to put into effect. Fear kept me locked in the gap: fear that I’d lose my son, fear that the boundary would hurt him, fear that I was too harsh and not a ‘good mother.’ But when I learned where I started and stopped, I was better able to be stronger for my son and my family.
Today’s Promise to Consider: “No” is a valid response. I’ll practice setting boundaries to keep myself and my addicted loved one safe. He needs to know what I can and will accept, and what I won’t. It’s only fair to him. Consistency and peace can be found by respecting my own boundaries.