Dr. MacAfee wrote to me: One of the gifts that you and Jeff share is the rare and open dialogue between afflicted and affected. This has been sincerely earned. When people meet on the common ground of truth, difficult though it is, healing happens.
My reaction to the above: The Big Book of AA says that sobriety can be found only through rigorous honesty. This was hard for both Jeff and me. Jeff had to be honest with himself about his addiction, and I had to be honest with myself about the mistakes I made. I also had to find courage not only to talk with Jeff about all that happened, but courage to listen and the compassion to understand.
Today’s Promise to consider: I will have the courage to find the common ground of truth. I will work with those I love to have the tough discussions required to heal. Difficult as it is, I will wade into the rough waters of discord in order to get to the other side where healing and understanding can take place. I will try.
That was jsut priceless!
Oh the blessing of this blog!! This entry could not have come at better time!! Thank you Libby!
Baci,
Gina
This is so true….in order to heal we have to face the past and do it with our eye’s wide open… and with compassion for the one’s we have hurt. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Inspiring as always. So blessed to have this blog, Libby and all the other wonderful people who follow this blog.
Thanks for your support. I still struggle with taking about difficult issues and ‘wading into the turbulent waters of discord’ to get to the other side of commonality and understanding. It’s tough. For me, often, it’s also about my tone of voice. It’s not “what I say,” but “how I say it.” I’ve been guilty of lecturing my sons, when a simple honest and straightforward conversation would have helped. Always learning!
Libby
Libby, I am thankful I found and read your book. It is a great help to me as I work on living one day at a time with a positive attitude-not consumed by the fear and confusion of drug addiction.
My husband and I face the truth of knowing our son has a serious mental illness along with a drug addiction. Our son acknowledges he has bipolar disease and takes his medication regularly. He admits he is an addict. He lost his license for one year so he can’t drive, has no job, and few friends. He attends one aftercare meeting a week at the rehab center. He quit attending NA and AA meeting.
I am using the 12-step program taught through Al-Anon to gain control of my live. I am learning to be honest with others and myself and to admit I am scared and afraid. Ironically the more I acknowledge my fears to myself and others I trust, the stronger and more courageous I feel.
I don’t know if there will be a resolution to our problems with our son. I am hopeful I will gain control of my life; I am more loving and patient toward others. I no longer think I have all the answers- I am humble.
Thank you Libby for the opportunity to share,
Dear Emily,
Thanks for reaching here and I’m grateful that we can all join hands as we learn together. The 12-step program of Al-Anon is wonderful and was my salvation. Addiction wants to bury us in fear and confusion. I learned the hard way and after 14 years of Jeff’s addiction that I couldn’t control him and could only control me (and most times, that was hard, too :)). I, too, am a much more compassionate and humble woman.
I love your sentence, “Ironically the more I acknowledge my fears to myself and others I trust, the stronger and more courageous I feel.” As Dr MacAfee says, “Addiction does its best work in the shadows. We need to take it out of the dark and put it into the light where it can be healed.”
Addiction is based in shame, silence, stigma and secrets. We need to fight all four.
Let’s keep each other and our sons in our prayers.
With love and respect,
L
Dear Pat, I agree with you…this week’s meditation is priceless!
Dear Libby, all I can say is thank you.
Integrity plays such an integral part in this horrible disease. Without it, no one can be healed.
With love and prayers,
Barbara
Dear Barbara,
Welcome back! I’ve missed you. Hope all is well.
Love to you.
Dear Libby, thank you so much for the warm welcome back and your kind words. I’ve missed you, too.
I was sick for awhile but am on the mend! All is well, now. Thank you so much for caring.
Love you,
Barbara