Photo Credit: Davood Madadpoor
A father wrote to me: Addiction touches many of us. My oldest son was headed down that path. We feel very blessed to have discovered the problem early and much to his chagrin put him in treatment for eighteen months. Pretty hard on the family, but everyone seems to have benefitted in some way. He is now a productive member of society with a wife and child and very committed to his church.
My reflection: Does early intervention stop addiction? There is a body of research that indicates that a fast response is critical and, although it might not stop the addiction, it can bring up the bottom and possibly curtail the devastating effects of the disease.
Today’s Promise to consider: If I had the early years of my son’s 14-year addiction to do over again, I would have taken my head out of the sand, educated myself more thoroughly, talked openly with him and our family, and put him into a long-term rehab program as soon as possible. Jeff’s addiction was like a fire that was left unattended for too long and, before we acknowledged it, the entire forest was ablaze. With all the deaths happening today from drug overdoses, every minute is critical.
I put my son in rehab at 15 years old. He was pretty much in and out of rehabs for the next 5 years. He is now 25 and the last 2-3 years have been much better and he occasionally has some pot and drinks beer. He’s not totally out of the woods yet but at least he knows a lot and we are getting along much better. He still can’t keep a job down for more than 6 months but is self sufficient. I think its a miracle how far he has come. Im not sure if I recommend… Read more »
Dear Rita, Good for you. Those early years are critical. It takes courage for the parent to act as you did at such an early age. I admire you.
Hi Libby and your followers… The stories and messages that are shared here are often heart rending and sometimes inspirational. I’m blessed that my sons avoided drug use (with the exception of tobacco for the oldest). My youngest is raising two children, 7 year old son and infant daughter and he shared his concern with his mother about how to keep his kids from drugs. There is no magic bullet to keep kids from drugs but having them in positive activities via church, scouts and similar groups is a good start. Having positive friends with good values is very important.… Read more »
Dear John, Thanks for sharing. I agree with your thoughts. Prevention is better than intervention, but you’re right that we need both. Honest communication is imperative, and I wish we had talked more openly with Jeff when he was young. Peers often become more influential than parents, and it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. The research also supports much of what you write — that kids need to have many concentric circles of care around them, e.g. scouts, church, teachers, coaches, grandparents. Even with most of these circles intact, we lost Jeff for many years. Thank God… Read more »
Unfortunately, our son refused to be compliant at 13 when he was smoking pot every day. Our Canadian system will not allow families to intervene. Privacy laws kill people. Our son is dead, he died two years ago at the age of 25. He died from an overdose of alcohol which he was addicted to after combining it with prescribed ativan and street hydromorphone. Alcohol addiction is just as deadly bye the way as any other drugs and needs also to be taken seriously. The government needs to stop promoting alcohol so they can make money from the taxation on… Read more »
Dear Susan, I’m so sorry. Your pain is the worst, and my heart aches for you and your family. You’re right that alcohol is deadly and needs to be taken seriously. Of all the drugs, alcohol is KING, and more people die of alcohol detox than heroin detox. The government gives us no rules for dealing with addiction – only incarceration instead of treatment. My love to you.
You were fortunate to have the financial resources to provide 18 months of rehab and that your son was willing to cooperate. Sometimes catching it at the onset can work but only if the addict or potential addict recognizes the problem and is willing to work at it.
Dear Barbara, You are SO correct. Jeff was in 12 treatment centers and insurance paid only once – and only for three days! This was years ago, and I pray things are changing. Nothing is easy with addiction.
Education and working with a alcohol/drug counselor are the two critical steps for parents. We have to pour out all of our perceived knowledge and replace it with the true knowledge of addiction. Unfortunately, due to denial, that will not likely happen for a very long time in the majority of cases. There’s no blame or shame as that is simply the nature of the disease of addiction, it is a family disease for sure. It’s an individual process and our own recovery begins just like our addicted children and that is when “We get sick and tired of being… Read more »
Dear Pat,
The years of dealing with addiction have made you wise. Although I wish that you (or me or anyone) never had to go through this, we can learn together. You’re right – there is no blame or shame. Addiction takes all we know about love and smashes it. It is a family disease, and we need to work on our own recovery. Please keep coming back.
We were well aware of our son’s trajectory early and we took what steps we could at the time. This is not to say we weren’t in the dark at times as far as how deep he was in his addiction. But denial is a powerful force. And he is a very willful person. He refused rehab early on, when we could have possibly thwarted his pathway to where he is now, 15 years later, still not in recovery. I think I am being honest with myself, but I really don’t have much guilt as far as what we did… Read more »
Dearest Mindy, Thank you for your honest comment. God bless you for all you’ve done for your son. You’re right that the line between helping and enabling is blurred, and each of us has to decide where that line is. I interviewed 50 recovery addicts from across the globe, and 47 of them said that ‘feeling the consequences of my addiction got me into recovery.’ When the consequences of the addiction become too heavy, the addict has an opportunity to change. That said, our fear as parents is always there – that our child will die. At the end of… Read more »
Another thought i had as I read my post was that we also struggled with how to parent early on. No road map for that journey except for modeling by our own parents who were pretty strict disciplinarians. Our responses to our son’s behavior early on were, needless to say, filled with lots of anger. We also did not understand the nature of addiction and certainly back then, the disease model was in question. The fact that early choices can lead to addiction was not something we even fathomed. How could we have parented not out of fear and anger… Read more »
Dear Mindy, There wasn’t much literature at that time about addiction. In fact, I remember well swinging between, “He’s just experimenting. All will be OK,” and “This is a problem and I need to come down hard.” How could we have known the ravaging effects of drug use and addiction? My father was a drill sergeant in the Marines, so I, too, was parented in a strict manner. My dad once pointed his finger at me and said, “Tell him to stop, dammit, tell him to stop.” If it were only that easy. We are learning and we will continue… Read more »
How do you convince a 21 yr old he has a problem and needs to go away for atleast a year? I can’t make him go and he won’t go on his own!
I wish I had the answer, Debbie. When my son was still living at home, I had some modicum of control – thus the post “Early Intervention.” At that time, I could have ‘forced’ him into treatment. When my son was in college, I pulled his tuition and forced him to go to treatment, and he went (reluctantly) for 6 months, went back to college, and started drugs where he left off. You could do an intervention and maybe that will convince your son. If I had to do it over again, I would try an open and honest discussion,… Read more »