A friend and mom of adult children, who battle addiction, wrote to me: Today I stay out of my kids’ business. I work a wonderful 12-step program, have a sponsor, and am a sponsor. Today my God is first in my life and I start every morning by asking, “What is Your will for me today?” I can hear my God talk to me clearly because I kicked out the ladies in the attic.
My reflection: “I kicked out the ladies in the attic,” reminds me of the Buddhist term ‘monkey mind,’ which means restless, unsettled, confused, and cluttered. When my son was in active addiction, I needed to kick out the ladies in the attic. They did nothing but conjure problems that might occur and remind me of past resentments.
Today’s Promise to consider: I cannot control the actions of my suffering loved one, but I can control my anxious thoughts. My constant mental machinations help no one – not my addicted child or me. I will work my program, talk with others who understand addiction, exercise, meditate – I will do whatever it takes to stop the incessant chattering of “the ladies in the attic.”
Libby,
Love all your thoughts and words that help millions. And….that photo is beyond description!
My dearest Jo Marie, How I love you. Our paths were meant to cross years ago. I’m so proud of all you’ve accomplished, especially with writing and publishing your book. God bless you, my friend. Thanks for ‘staying close’ all these years.
The “ladies in my attic” are interfering big time in my ability to enjoy my life. I worry way too much and way too often. I share with others who understand. Now I need to practice self care using exercise and meditation.
I totally understand. The “ladies in the attic” need to be silenced because their constant chattering does nothing to help us. I join you in practicing self care, in exercise, and meditation. We can do it!
Suzy
A therapist once told me “you cannot win an argument with your wife. She has had the argument and all possible outcomes in her head at least a hundred times BEFORE she ever has it with you”. Seems to be female attribute to stir that mental pot trying to get the recipe exactly right. As a man I believe we can compartmentalize issues and leave them for another time. At times I envy you women your empathy, and at times I thank God I don’t have to be so involved.
Love you and your work.
Dear Philip, An interesting perspective – thanks for sharing. It might be a female attribute, i.e. the ladies in the attic. What a great line, “At times I envy you women your empathy, and at times I thank God I don’t have to be so involved.” During Jeff’s active addiction, I was immersed, literally living and breathing his addiction. When I finally learned to Stay Close and out of the chaos, things changed and we all got healthier. Love to you, Clare, and your precious family.