Son Jeremy, Granddaughter Iysa, Libby, son Jeff
An Italian friend wrote to me: For six months now, two or three days a week, my mother goes to my brother’s recovery community and helps the girls design and make bags. In this way, my mother has the possibility to ‘stay close’ to my brother without ‘staying attached’ to him. When she works on the bags, it feels like all the suffering was not so important: we live “Hic et Nunc”, Here and Now. We are able to joke, smile, laugh, cry, be happy and above all be HIC et NUNC! How many times I’ve prayed to be able to live ‘here and now’ and not think about all the ifs, buts and whys. My family has found the possibility to grow in spite of sorrow. We are understanding how to stay close without being dependent.
My reflection: When Jeff was in active addiction, living in the present seemed impossible – my mind was a constant wash of regrets, past hurts and disasters yet to come. This didn’t serve me well and it didn’t serve our family. Jeff’s 14-year addiction is teaching me how to live “Hic ed Nunc” – to be mindful of the moments, the little victories. When I’m able to live in the present and without the ifs, buts and whys, life is more steady.
Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I will live ‘Hic et Nunc,’ the Latin term for ‘here and now.’ I will let go of yesterday’s sufferings, and I won’t obsess over the future. I will work toward staying close without staying attached. I will be grateful for the moments.
We really only have the here and now but it is so easy to dwell on the past and worry about the future.
When my daughter was in recovery someone gave me a card with the poem Yesterday….Today and Tomorrow. I read it often and it helps me remember there is nothing I can do about yesterday and all the events that have passed. They happened, they cannot be undone, all my worries and prayers won’t change a thing. Then there’s always tomorrow and God knows I can worry myself sick about tomorrow. But as the poem says the sun will rise one way or another and who knows what tomorrow will bring.
So this leaves today and just as stated in the poem if I can leave yesterday and tomorrow out of the equation I can have a chance at a good today.
It seems such a simple thing to do and so obvious. Letting go of the past and letting tomorrow bring what it will takes work for me, constant work but when I am successful its a good day.
Love to all
Libby – During my Mom’s last days, we had a lovely Jamaican caregiver that put it this way…. Tomorrow is nothing but a Promissory Note, while yesterday; a cancelled check. Today is cash money. Live in the glory of today!
Jon
Jon, What a great way to put it. Yes, we all need to try harder to live in the glory of today. I’ll keep trying.
You and your family are in my prayers with the passing of your mom. She was quite a wonderful and accomplished woman. Like mother, like son.
Love to you, Lonnie and the boys,
L
After 3 years of heroin addiction, methadone then suboxone (still with heroin of course) my son is entering a treatment program. I am filled with great hope but yet I know there are disappointments ahead. I just had a bracelet made with the engraving; stagli vicino & se valiente (stay close and be brave) with “love, hope and pray” on the inside. I wish there was room for “here and now”.
Barbara
What a wonderful idea. I’m sure it will give you strength and courage whenever you look at it.
I will pray for your son as he enters this phase of life.
Barbara, Lovely – STAY CLOSE AND BE BRAVE. LOVE, HOPE AND PRAY. Wonderful reminders for all of us. My love to you.
I am fairly new with Al-anon, and a beautiful soul at this meeting approached me, and kept giving me her phone number…….she is now my sponsor and I could not move forward without her….she gave me your book to read, which I devoured in 3 days because I could not put it down. I am TERRIFIED that my 38 year old son will die from this , and I cannot stop it. I want to move him back into our home where I know he will be safe, but the rest of our torn apart family is DONE with this….. I’m on step 2 and its a really hard one…….that’s all….
Dear Carrie, Stay strong and keep close to Al-Anon and your sponsor. I would have lost my sanity without the folks in the rooms. Take one day at a time and breathe.
My love and prayers,
Libby