TM.3 (1)A mother wrote to me: Webster’s dictionary says, “Enabling: to make possible, practical, or easy.” How simple this sounds. Why would a parent want to make it easy for a child to destroy himself? My aunt said to me yesterday, ‘You need to have guidelines and discipline in your house.’ I just thought to myself: I would love to have that. I am a mom trying to raise three kids and one is an addict. I am not so sure what rules I am to follow.

My reflection: Dr. Terri Gorski says that society gives us no rules to follow with addiction. For me, I always ached to know the line between enabling and helping. The difference between the two seemed confusing and ambivalent. The hardest thing I’ve ever done as a mom was to get out of the way and allow my son to face the consequences of his addiction.

Today’s Promise to consider: We parents often want step-by-step instructions to help our child. The problem is that there are no silver bullet solutions to ensure our children will live a sober life. Today, I’ll step back and allow my son to contend with the results of his behavior, both good and bad. I will stay close, but out of the chaos of his addiction.

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libbycataldiAnja SigurdssonAnn Recent comment authors
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Thank you for this reminder. I too have a difficult time discerning the difference between helping and enabling . I am trying to step back and let my son deal with the consequences of his behavior. I have hope for him ,but he is likely to face some pretty harsh legal consequences in the near future. My hope and prayer is that maybe this is what it will take for him to turn his life around. I know he can do it. Thank you again each week for your opened and encouraging words. Bless you and your family.

Anja Sigurdsson
Anja Sigurdsson

Rules were something we never followed much. But we were good kids at school, at home,functions (most of them) because we had love coming from somewhere. And that helped us to be truly good people. As I review what I’ve done wrong in my life and my remorse overwhelms me. And forgiveness has helped me to grow. I now watch my son and and pray everyday that he finds himself again.His smile is infectious and his big blue eyes will melt any heart. For my birthday this year I had to pump his chest until the ambulance arrived. He has… Read more »