STAY CLOSE THROUGH ADDICTION: ‘HE IS MY SON’

A mother wrote to me: My first-born son is an addict. He is 24, beautiful, smart, and the love of my life. He just received 60 days in jail and to be honest I am thrilled and relieved – at least he’ll be safe and sober for 60 days. Everyone tells me that I should give up on him, turn my back on him, and cut him out of my life. How does a mother do that? I love him unconditionally. My friends think that I am insane, crazy, but he is my son.

My reflection: I tried to cut my addicted son out of my life, but it never worked. I told him to forget the address, but when he called, my resolve crumbled and all I could do was pray that this phone call would be the one that led to recovery. Love for my son is in my DNA. I couldn’t give up on him.

Today’s Promise to consider: It took me fourteen years to accept that I couldn’t change my son’s destructive behavior. In time, I learned how to stay close and continue to love him, while I disengaged from the chaos of his addiction. When he chose to fight for his sobriety, I stepped forward.

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libbycataldiShelly GamwellDonna TenreiroRobin RitchiePenny Recent comment authors
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Diane
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Diane

Never give up on your son. Never leave him. I didn’t although everyone told me to. My son lost his battle, but I am grateful for every day I stood next to him in his fight. Don’t listen to people who have no idea what you’re going through. Hang in there.

Ki Ki DesCombes
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Ki Ki DesCombes

I feel even with the wonderful programs out there like Alanon we all still have individual situations
that work for our situation. As long as you are mentally able to handle them go on. I had to love
my adult daughter from afar. She did know that I loved her dearly. Do what is best for you and your
family. Just felt I needed to share this am.

Donna
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Donna

It is so hard to walk away. As a mother, I don’t think any of us truly can. I was nodding my head at everything you wrote. We walk away from their drama but never from their lives. Unless someone lives this nightmare, they can offer what they THINK is right, but put in the same boat, I am sure they would be doing what we do. My daughter knows she is loved by us. But she knows that it is senseless to call & ask for anything. We can give her all the advice & tell her what she… Read more »

mary
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mary

I have been told the same thing about my 22 year old son who has been in jail most of the past 4-5 years. He has burned almost every other bridge, and all my family and friends tell me to “forget him”- really?? I am so thankful that I have been unable to do that. So I keep in contact as safely as I can, take breaks when I need to, try my best not to enable his addiction, attend LOTS of alanon and naranon, offer him comfort and connection as I am able. I will never be able to… Read more »

Karen
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Karen

People told me to give up, I never did. He passed away last week. My heart is shattered, but I have no regrets. I was there for him and never lost hope

Penny
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Penny

Libby, I absolutely love your Thursday emails. They are so encouraging and solidly to me how mothers of addicts feel. No one underatands that unconditional love but another mother with an addicted child. Thanks again for your encouragement.

Robin Ritchie
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Robin Ritchie

I just had to tell you I know your pain but there is hope. My son is a drug addict who is clean now for almost 8 years he he says he will always be an addict. He had to kick him out of our house and have him arrested for stealing from us but as hard as that was it is what saved him. He went to a 2 year intense rehab program and learned to live without drugs. I can send you information if you are interested. It is non profit and doesn’t charge but they have to… Read more »

Donna Tenreiro
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Donna Tenreiro

Robin
Would love that information on the intense rehab your son was in?
Donna

Shelly Gamwell
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Shelly Gamwell

I’d love to know the name of the rehab program. Thank you!

Donna Tenreiro
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Donna Tenreiro

I am struggling right now my son is 27
Just spent a few days with him he lives in a different state it was so hard watching his addiction trying to get help but in the end he has to want it he says he does but never follows through I have not answered his calls in 4 days he’s always begging for money shelter … it’s so hard my heart breaks