A mother wrote to me: My son is in jail. He is only 18. I will not bail him out. I cry every night. He has not yet escalated to the harder drugs, but the criminal behavior is there. I hate that my son is in jail, hate that I cannot and will not bail him out, and hate what is coming down the road for him, but I know that this is the necessary action to be taken if he is to get on the road to recovery. I also know that he must be willing and we do not see that yet. I pray I’ve made the right decisions.

My reflection: Addiction gloats in our confusion and chaos. Do we bail out our children? Do we give them money to pay their bills? Do we cover the fee of yet another rehab center? There are no easy answers and we must make the decisions based on what we’ve learned, what professionals recommend, and what our hearts tell us.

Today’s Promise to consider: I accept that I don’t have all the answers about addiction, but today I will listen with an open heart to the help and advice of professionals, those in recovery, other parents, and my own good counsel. When I had breast cancer, I talked with three surgeons and each one offered differing recommendations. We each must make the decision that we think is best for our loved one and our family. I pray for wisdom.



Leave a Reply

4 Comment threads
2 Thread replies
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
4 Comment authors
Carol PluttlibbycataldiJoylibbycataldiPat Nichols Recent comment authors
newest oldest
Notify of
Pat Nichols

Very wise Libby! Our hearts override our minds when it comes to our children. That is only natural, it takes time to understand what is truly in their best interest, as well as ours. In addition, the word time is translated to pain. We, like our addicted children have to suffer the pain of addiction before we are willing to make appropriate changes. That’s OK, no blame or shame on any of us. It is simply the nature of addiction and our eventual healing. We are all on our own road to recovery and we will reach our recovery in… Read more »


So much I could say but nothing I know for certain. There are no “must do’s’ or “must not do’s” There certainly are no cookie cutter one size fits all answers. We who love addicted ones really do learn to live in the moment and evaluate each situation. Keep love first. Trust our guts. Pray. As Libby says : send legions of angels every night. Celebrate and support sobriety when/if it comes —no matter how short or long. Banish fear of relapse even if you know it is often part of recovery. Handle relapse with forgivness because, really, they are… Read more »

Carol Plutt
Carol Plutt

Thank you Libby. You always seem to say the things, I need to lighten my load, just a little. Tonight I made a decision to let my addict, son, sleep a couple of nights, in a motel. (that I paid for) His wife kicked him out, and got a restraining order. I understand why, I would have done the same thing. He comes and goes, uses for a week or two, comes home, does good, gets anxious, does drugs. On and on. The restraining order, is a real threat, this time. They have a beautiful little 7 yr old daughter.… Read more »