Photo Credit: Davood Madadpoor
A mom wrote to me: My son is addicted to drugs. After four years of enabling and one forced rehab, my son made the choice between living with us or dealing and using weed on a constant basis. He no longer lives with us at age 18. He dropped out of high school, refuses to hold a legal job and has constantly betrayed us with lies, verbal abuse and stealing. Our only offer of help is 90 days in a residential treatment center when he is ready to change his life.
My reflection: When my son was 18, I made him leave the house because of his drug use. He wrote, “The party was in full swing. At eighteen, life was fresh and raucous and racing, and besides some minor arrests and fistfights, serous consequences were rare.” He didn’t choose recovery until many years later.
Today’s Promise: We all have choices to make, and most arrive in their own time. It’s excruciating to watch our children destroy their lives, but until they surrender to their addiction and reach a genuine hand out for help, there is no real change. The best I can do is to stay close to my son and enforce my own boundaries.
In my experience it is the disease of addiction that controls their choices. Addiction takes away free choice. The sooner we, as parents, move out of Addiction’s way the sooner it wears itself out and recovery will be the only option left and that option is fueled by the addicted child’s loved ones who have continually communicated their love, understanding, compassion and hope while maintaining appropriate boundaries. I don’t see the destruction of the addicted child but the reconstruction of a new life in recovery. Once in recovery all of the hopes and dreams can be achieved. There are over twenty million in recovery today and there is no reason to believe that your child will not join them. So many miracles….continue to draw closer to your God, trust Him. In prayer for all who suffer from this disease.
Dear Pat,
Your third sentence is pure brilliance. You’ve taken your many years of dealing with addiction and given us your hard-earned wisdom. Thank you. You’re right that there are so many miracles. It’s the constant worry that our child will die that keeps us at addiction’s door. For Jeff, I had to surrender. When I did, he picked up his cross and carried it. I’ll be forever grateful. Thanks, Pat.