WHY DO WE HURT THE ONES WE LOVE MOST?

Photo Credit: Davood Madadpoor

A mom wrote to me: I finally found the strength to know that no amount of money thrown at the disease of addiction will help it. So we said a gentle “no” to his pleas. We got the hate and the hurt and the anger back in spades, the addiction really reared its ugly head. Our son’s deep pain directed towards the ones he loves most.

My reflection: During the years of my son’s active using, he became a master of manipulation, exploitation, and betrayal. When I refused to give him money, when I didn’t allow him to come home, or when I wouldn’t bail him out of jail, he became abusive. This is the pathology of addiction. My son and I lived this dance for years, until I realized I was part of the problem.

Today’s Promise to consider: When we parents put a roadblock between the addict and what he wants, this is a major threat to him. In addition, we stand as a constant reminder to our children that the life they are living is rife with pain and harm. Today, I will not allow addiction to isolate and separate me from my loved one. I will offer roads to recovery, not more money or bailouts.

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10 Comments on "WHY DO WE HURT THE ONES WE LOVE MOST?"

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Pat Nichols
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It’s vital to understand how Addiction operates. What are its goals? Where are we, as parents, involved? It is complicated. Working with a licensed alcohol/drug counselor and attending parent support groups can help us make the best choices to help our children find their recovery sooner rather than later.

Pamela
Guest

Libby, wasn’t it by saying “no” at times like these that helped Jeff to turn to recovery?

Joy
Guest
I remember once a long long time ago saying no when asked for money and my son threatening to commit suicide and because he had other difficulties including depression even before drugs— having to say I love you that would make me sadder than sad but it is your choice– was VERY tough That was a VERY long night. I remember one time calling the police and telling them where he was so he would be picked up and put in jail. BUT! My son found times and years of recovery and was in active recovery when trying to come… Read more »
Michael
Guest

Pls clarify for me what you mean by offering the road to recovery. I would really love to offer this