A dad wrote to me, I followed my heart, my natural parental instincts fueled by love. My twenty-one years of experience and education dealing with my son’s addiction have allowed me to forgive myself. What others consider as parent mistakes are simply necessary experiences that must be encountered in order to understand the disease and, therefore, to begin a successful journey to personal recovery, which will include the necessary tools to appropriately support the child’s recovery.
My reflection: For years, I beat myself up ruminating on all the mistakes I had made during my son’s fourteen-year addiction: I enabled, gave him money that he used for drugs, made countless excuses for his problematic behavior, and became so distracted that I failed to see the needs of my family.
Today’s Promise to consider: This dad writes that parent mistakes are necessary learning experiences. His words gave me another way of looking at my actions in the face of my son’s addiction. Compassion and forgiveness go both ways – to the addicts, but also to those of us who love them.
I too agree parents’ mistakes are indeed learning experiences and i hope the others understand why we parents enabled our children’s drug addiction and why we kept making excuses for their problematic attitudes.
Dear Junaidah, I understand totally what you write, but sadly I’m not sure others, who have no experience with addiction, will ever really understand why we parents do what we do. I think you have to live with an addiction to understand the pain and suffering. That said, I join you in hope and prayer that others will understand. My love to you.
How perfect this is. Today marks one year my son is totally clean after 14-15 years of addiction, you name it and he did it His second time in jail then a good rehab, outpatient, a PO who keeps him on the up and up, his fiancé same thing, Both families telling them we were done with enabling them and her Mom taking custody of their son. It’s been a journey and we all still struggle but I’m glad he’s in a 3/4 house rt around the corner from his fiancé and son They both have a job with a company that hires felons God bless all who love the addicts and the companies willing to take a chance. ❤️❤️
God bless you, your family, your son, his fiancé, and their son. He is clean after a fifteen-year run. I understand. My son suffered a fourteen-year addiction, and we all suffered, just as your family did. Congrats to your son on his one year anniversary. One year is HUGE!!! My son tells me that one day is huge! I join with you in prayer for continued success and health. xo
I believe that this fathers thoughts are powerful and honest. They certainly can be also be helpful to a mother, a father or a family who loses their child to this horrific disease….A child, as he battles every minute with the horrific evils of addiction, must always know, every step of the way, that he is loved unconditionally in spite of the mistakes and stumbles . IMO if the word enable is to be used, perhaps it can be used in a more positive light Enabling someone to and through recovery….Again, IMO use it to in any other way relates it to failure….making forgiveness of self a much more difficult and painful process.
Dear Mary Beth, Your words are powerful — “making forgiveness of self a much more difficult and painful process.” Painful and difficult, but so important. My sincere thanks. xoxo