Photo Credit: Davood Madadpoor
A mom, who is a recovering addict, wrote to me: I remember my mom saying to me when I was in the throes of my addiction as a teen, “You love your drugs more than you love us.” Well, yes, yes I did. I was incapable of seeing anything else but my next high and I would stomp on anyone or anything in my way.
My reflection: It took me a long time to acknowledge the incredible hold drugs had on my son. I once asked Jeff, “Look at all the pain addiction caused. Why didn’t you ever stop?” He looked at me with deep sadness and said, “I never wanted to hurt you. In fact, I tired to keep you out of the way and to protect you. But I’m an addict, Mom.”
Today’s Promise to consider: My child’s addiction isn’t about me. It’s not above love between mother and child. It’s about the insatiable craving drugs create. If love could have broken the grasp addiction had on my son, he would have been healed. Today, I will open my heart to try to understand the chase of the high and the all consuming hunger for the next one.
The doctor told me he couldn’t promise me my wife would live. She was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with Transverse Myelitis, she was unable to breathe on her own and paralyzed from the neck down. My daughter was able to get word to my son that his mother was in critical condition but he never came to the hospital. I learned later he was living in a crack house! His mother eventually improved but my anger and disappointment with him would linger for years. Eventually I found my own recovery through Families Anonymous. With the help of a counselor plus educating myself on the disease of addiction I was able to understand and forgive him.
Pat, This is a powerful testimony. God bless you for working so hard to understand and to forgive. Not an easy road, especially given what you and your family have been through. Thank you for sharing this piece of your journey. Thanks for ‘staying close’ all these years.
I am a recovering addict. I tried rehabs, AA, mental institutions, I pulled at anything and everything to change, nothing worked until I found Jesus. It was the best day of my life as I look back at these six beautiful years of drug free anger free resentment free prideful free my life will never be the same again. My life is becoming whole and complete all by the mercy of Jesus Christ.
God bless you! Thanks for writing and for sharing your recovery. My son says that his spirituality is what keeps him sober. My mother was our prayer warrior, and her faith was strong and inspirational. Your message is also inspirational. I join you in prayer and faith.
Libby