ADDICTION AND RECOVERY: HOW TO TRUST AGAIN

by libbycataldi under family

A mom wrote to me: I wrote to you a few years ago about my son’s addiction. As every parent, we barely functioned for almost three years. After his marriage of two years ended, he went to rehab and a halfway house for some time. Today, he has a good job, met a great girl and seems to be doing well. He just announced his engagement and even though things seem better, I worry. I know I should have a positive outlook, but the past haunts me. How do you ever begin to trust and live without fear?

My reflection: I once asked Dr MacAfee this same question, “How do I learn to trust again? The past trauma is hard to forget, and I worry what might happen in the future.” The good doctor answered, “Your feelings are normal. You’ve been vigilant a long time. Be patient with yourself.”

Today’s Promise to consider: Trusting that a recovering loved one will stay well and not return to the chaos of addiction is difficult. Most of us have been deeply scarred by years of turbulence. Today, I’ll be gentle with myself. I’ll breathe, acknowledge my fear, and move toward releasing my worry. In doing so, I learn to live in the present. My loved one deserves this effort. So do I.

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Laurie Maynard
Laurie Maynard
6 months ago

Thank you, I needed this today, my son seems to be doing well. I just need to be positive

joy
joy
6 months ago
Reply to  Laurie Maynard

Praying for you and him. Yes, keep the light of hope around you both.

Pamela
Pamela
6 months ago

Libby, how do you move toward releasing your worry? Is it a matter of releasing it purposely as it arises and have you found a way that resonates with you if that is what you do? Much gratitude to you ~

Cindy Hall
Cindy Hall
6 months ago
Reply to  Pamela

I have found that when I find myself worrying, I actively make myself do the following: 1) acknowledge that worry is a useless expenditure of precious energy, 2) it is my loved one’s job to worry about their life, 3) I actively say a prayer for my loved one, and 4) I refocus my attention on me. I am a big and excellent worrier, but this process is working for mento change that.

Cindy Hall
Cindy Hall
6 months ago

For those of us with a loved one now in recovery after years of active addiction, today’s Meditation is so very true. One day at a time to learn to trust the recovery, the person in recovery, and our own recovery. Thank you.

joy
joy
6 months ago

When I was younger, I had an older woman friend whose alcoholic husband cheated on her, said it was a mistake and professed his endless love for her and yes, he was a good man and did love her, He would work on sobriety and she took him back. I asked her once how she could ever ever forgive and trust him. She looked at me and smiled. “How could I not? Trust is a choice I make every day. For myself. Not for him. I love him. He loves me. But I will not live a life of torture .And I give it over to God. ( she had deep faith.) I trust myself. I know I can handle whatever happens. And.. I still work on forgiveness.” He never drank again. He never strayed. The child his mistress had became part of their family every Sunday and is now grown. My friend loves her. I know. I know. Amazing story. I cold never .. and no it does not always end like that . But at the time, I never knew how that wisdom would come to help me with my son. “I do not want to live tortured.” it was so powerful.I did not want to either but it one felt like that. Self -care. But even more, that the idea of trusting someone was a conscious choice for oneself — and no,nothing was guaranteed, was something I found to be profoundly true .That she trusted herself to handle what might come! Well, that took effort for me but I worked on that too,and am glad I did. It takes courage and great love. And faith. It means choosing over and over to stay close, no matter what— as you have taught us, Libby. Trust. It is so hard and the erosion of trust in our relationships with addicted ones is heart breaking,-for ALL — but the TRYING is so very necessary for healing. How to be Fragile and vulnerable and brave and loving and honest and patient. Whew. No time left over to worry. (: Prayers for all in pain and worry right now and for all trying to find way back to family, building new bridges of hope, Love.

Pat Nichols
Pat Nichols
6 months ago

Very good advice Libby. My son has been clean for seven years now and my trust still has not fully returned.