A mother wrote to me: My son walked out of his fourth rehab, and in November of last year my husband kicked him out of our house, again. I couldn’t help but mourn. I lay on my bed and didn’t move for two days. He’s presently in an outpatient methadone program. His addiction has claimed him for five years. Methadone is not the answer I wanted for my son. I want to see him whole, clean, and well again. His drug addiction has had such a big impact on our lives.
My reflection: No matter how hard I tried to keep my feelings and suffering to myself, my angst seeped into all my relationships, including my family, friends, and work. Yes, addiction has a huge and undeniable impact on all our lives.
Today’s Promise: Addiction takes prisoners: Parents argue, mothers mourn, siblings are heartbroken and angry, while our suffering loved one is in his own world, chasing his next fix. The entire family spirals into chaos and despair, which is why we must learn to take care of ourselves. When we maintain boundaries, participate in our support groups, and lean on faith, we’re better versions of ourselves – and better able to support our family ecosystems. It all starts with reaching out our hands. We are not alone.
It surely does. As a single senior who lives alone I allowed my girl and her BF to move into a tent in my back yard. For three years they were on a medical program and things actually worked well. I felt I was helping.
Then my daughter got some real money and before I knew it they went back to street drugs. Soon my back yard began to fill up with junk. And instead of only having a good friend pop by they had a steady stream of people in who shared the tent and went in and out bringing their stuff. The yard got active and I did nothing. Because only one option right?
So of course I got a complaint and a by laws visit took a grand to get rid of all the junk. Well I got rid of them but they still snuck into the basement to sleep. Kept telling them where the shelters were and finally they did find elsewhere to be.
Then I got so many people by alarmed with my daughter. She was crossing the road like a zombie didn’t even hear car horns honking at her. She was getting her head stomped in on a bad town road. People pleading with me to do something. When she wandered by I went and invited her to sleep in the shed instead of in a doorway downtown. because my heart bleeds and I didn’t want her to die vulnerable out there. So she did for a few days then her BF came back. Then we had more junk and more people in the yard and another by law visit.
Now I have been evicted and there are no places to rent and the wrong time of year. I will be on the street maybe in two months my landlord gave me three months out of kindness. No one moves at Christmas. Before I am gone I have another grands worth of crap to get rid of.
Sitting here alternately packing and cleaning, searching for overpriced or not available space to be. Knowing it was my doing to have not got firm and tell them they blew it and worse I helped them not at all either.
Nothing goes right when you act on compassion and hope and I do not have it in me to even to bother being angry with anyone but myself. Addicts are what they are. But in that mess I still cant say I wouldnt do it again. They still come here to sleep wearing on my last nerve. The next place will be far too small for them to be, and I’m glad. Just hoping I can find one. And leave this house back in the nice condition it was in when I came here.
Don’t be me, an admitted fool.
My heart is with you in this nightmare. I get it. Stay safe.
Dear Gail, My heart breaks as I read your message. You’re living a nightmare – a true nightmare. You did what you did out of the goodness of your heart and love for your daughter. I’m so sorry that you’re facing all this. Thank you for sharing your story. It will help all of us when we are faced with a similar situation. I’ll bombard the heavens for you and your safety. I’ll stay close in love and prayer.
Our son also went on Methadone after struggling for years, trying traditional rehab centers with many relapses.
I too wasn’t sure of this strategy and told our counselor how bad of an idea this was. He wisely said “There’s many paths on the road to recovery. I commend him for making this decision on his own”.
Our son stayed on Methadone for a couple of years and tapered off the medicine slowly over several months. He did indeed obtain sobriety and remains sober today.
Prayers for your son in his path to recovery!
Dear Doug, God bless you son. He’s sober today, and this is a HUGE celebration. Your counselor’s advice was wise: “There’s many paths on the road to recovery.” Thanks for your prayers, and I join you in prayer for all who continue to suffer.