CHOICES AND DECISION MAKING

A mother wrote an email message to me: My son has a long history of addiction. He got arrested: We hired a lawyer, bailed him out, but he kept using and stealing. He got arrested again: This time, he bailed himself out. Another arrest: We knew he was dying a slow death so we told him that we loved him, but would not bail him out. We would no longer let his addiction destroy him and our family. All the love in the world was not enough to make him stop.

My personal reflection on the passage above offering my thoughts today: This mother writes words that ring true for me: All the love in the world was not enough to make him stop. For Jeff, I couldn’t make him stop because the addiction was not about me, our family or about love.

Dr. MacAfee tells of a group therapy session when he asked a young man, “What’s your drug of choice?” The boy thought carefully and responded, “More.” Dr. MacAfee continues, “His answer was not an attempt at humor. The group understood and answered with a consensus of silence, affirmative head nods. No addict ever intends to end up where he’s really going. Substance drives the addict.”

Today’s Promise: I realize that my child’s addiction is not against me. I will not feel betrayed; I will not feel self blame. I will stay close and pray that my child decides to stop for himself.

429
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

3 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Victoria
Victoria
11 years ago

Hey Libby, great topic:)

My son is 99 days clean and sober. The times that he was out there using were very difficult, I learned that he was not going to get clean until he was ready. I leaned on my Higher Power. Instead of asking him to save my son I started asking him to help me deal with whatever situation came about. I found Al-Anon, the support from others that are at varying levels with their loved ones has also helped me. Love to you!
Victoria

Libby
Libby
11 years ago

Dear Victoria, So true! Your words are filled with wisdom. Al-Anon helped save my life and supported me through some of our toughest times. How can we help those we love when we can’t help ourselves? We need to lean on our Higher Power and we need support from others who know our pain. Love to you!!!

Libby
Libby
11 years ago

…and congrats to your son on 99 days clean and sober. It’s one day at a time and I’ll join you in prayer for tomorrow.