A mom sent this quote to me, There always remains a choice to be made between the creative power of love and life and the destructive power of hatred and death. I, too, must make that choice myself, again and again. Nobody else, not even God, will make that choice for me.
My reflection: The battle between good and bad, love and hate, is an old one. Dr. MacAfee says it another way, “Hate depletes and desiccates. Love nurtures and is generous.” When Jeff was in active addiction, I struggled with many emotions because of the suffocating pain of addiction. In time, I learned how to compartmentalize my emotions to say, “I will always love my son, but I hate the addiction.”
Today’s Promise: Life is full of dualities and addiction brings them front and center. Only I can choose the creative power of love or the destructive power of hate. Today, I am clear: I hate the addiction – it is destructive and evil. But I will always and forever love my son, even through all his struggles.2309
It amazes me just how many haters there are in this world. It seems that almost every day I encounter one. Haters are the people who choose hate over love. How sad. How sad for them. These people must be absolutely miserable in their lives. I feel so sorry for them.
Libby, you bring such an important message to us today. If we all chose love over hate, the world would be a better place.
When my son was in active addiction, it was difficult to love him, but I did. He knew that I loved him and that made all the difference in the world to me. He always knew that I would love him forever. I would have loved him if he had murdered, but I would have hated the crime. The love I had for my son was unconditional.
Thank you Libby and Jeff, for the support you give to all of us who have/had children who are addicts.
You are so right – there are many people who choose hate over love. We each choose how we want to live our lives, and you have always chosen love. Your messages are filled with love and compassion, and I’m always grateful to read your words of hope.
Addiction suffocates and destroys, but we will always love our children. In the end, love wins.
how ever LOVE is painful in this circumstance !!! its uses every breath you take and every energy you have in your body . Love wins but Love hurts to
For any addicts loved ones, we go through stages of our own. It took a while for me to let go of trying to change my son. I finally realized I could only love him and leave it in God’s hands and the rest was up to him. I’m so grateful he choose life. Thank you for sharing.
I realize only now, after having gone through so much with my son and his addiction, what unconditional love truly is…
To get me through the pain and struggle of my son’s addiction, I have been telling myself the exact words cited in today’s blog. I find it helps to keep me from dwelling on the negative and becoming immobilized. However, it leaves me speechless when attempting to communicate with him. The fear of saying the wrong thing, keeps me from saying much. I have no address at which to send mail, and he will not answer his phone if I call or respond to my occasional v/ms. Despite this, I send him t/ms once a week or so simply saying that I miss him and love him. Occasionally, he will respond telling me that he loves me. When he does this, it eases my mind because it lets me know he’s still alive.
He lives about an hour and a half away from me, so once a month I will visit the restaurant where he works. Judging from the bear hug he welcomes me with, it appears he enjoys seeing me. When saying our goodbyes, he makes empty promises to visit. While eating dinner, he will stop by my table (he’s a sous chef) and I have no idea what to say to him aside from repeating that I love and miss him.
I apologize for my rambling. It feels good to express my thoughts with others who can relate and perhaps offer some words of advice.
Reading your posting was like reading an exert from my life. My son was also a chef in a restaurant, I rarely communicated with him when he was in active addiction. When he was in prison, I did get letters. I got long, detailed and personal letters. He spoke of his love for me when he was sober. I shall never forget that love.
When I did see my son (or talk to him), I talked about the family and things that may interest him. I never brought up the addiction disease, unless he brought it up. I didn’t want to lecture him. He was old enough to know what he was doing. He was old enough to know that he and he alone, could do something about it.
You are repeating to him that you love him and miss him. That’s all you can do. The rest is up to him. I pray that he finds sobriety so he can live the rest of his life without the pain of this horrible disease. I so wish my son could have had the courage to heal himself. But, I find solace in the fact that he is in God’s kingdom and will never have to suffer again.
Keep your spirits up and practice positive thinking.
With lots of love and respect,
I can relate so well to everything you have said. I have spent many years immobilized, as you say, without even realizing I was. Afraid to talk to my daughter for fear it would bring on that aggressive, abusive, angry person I hardly recognized. When I think back now it wasn’t that I didn’t like her it was that I lived in complete fear and disbelief of the situation and of her for that matter. A living nightmare and I couldn’t get away.
I do hate this disease, I hate what it has and continues to do to so many people.
Even now though when I think about seeing my daughter I have mixed emotions. I have had no word from her in 9 and a half months and although I want so badly to see her I am afraid. This time I am afraid not because of the negative reactions I may experience but because I am afraid I won’t know what to say to her and how can a mother feel this way?
I am hoping that the love I have for her will guide me in the right direction. I am hoping that all I have learned through my readings and support groups like this one will come through in my time of need. It has been so long and such a worry since I have heard from her I hope my relief and joy will shine through, but I do worry.
Hate the disease, love the diseased.
Hate the behavior, love the person
I feel enormous sorrow for anyone in the clutches of this disease and its path of destruction.. This includes the families.
May God heal us one by one.
Find the rooms and feel the love there. That is healing for us. When we get better there is more hope for others in the family.
Love to you all
Today my son is drug free. During his years of drug use he became so reckless with his life that it eventually lead to prison for a year and a half. I never stopped loving him….not even for one second….and I reminded him every chance I got. However, I hated every bad decision he made but I knew it was because of the drugs. I knew that underneath all of the chaos was a sensitive and good-hearted person who never purposely set out to cause all of this pain and sadness to his family. This has been a very very long journey and the repercussions will be something he has to deal with for many years to come. But today he is healthy and each day I get to look into his eyes and see how far he has come is a gift. I take each day as it comes….I take nothing for granted….and every single day I thank God for putting our family back together. You never know what life has in store for you next….but I am grateful for today. My prayers are with every parent that has gone through or is now dealing with this heartbreaking situation.