This is part of a journal entry that I wrote seven years ago: I don’t have the energy to deal with this: my son’s addiction and the chaos that comes with it. Where do I end and where does he begin? How much of a safe haven do I provide? Do I allow him to come home, again? I’m confused and I need time to think.
My personal reflection on the passage above offering my thoughts today: When I allowed Jeff’s addiction to be in control of my life, I lived in fear that if I didn’t take action immediately and decisively that my son would go onto the streets and something worse would happen. I allowed fear to rule my behavior and I gave up my will to the addiction.
I’ve learned that I don’t have to decide at that moment. When my son called me in times of crisis and demanded an immediate answer, I didn’t have to give it. The addiction was hungry and wanted my life as well as his. I gave myself the gift of time. When I allowed myself time to think, I could breathe again.
Today’s Promise to consider for all of us who love addicts: No one can force me to make a decision and very few decisions have to be made immediately. With time to think, my decision will be better. I will give myself this gift of time.356