A mother wrote an email message to me. This is part of it: I’ve been struggling: Am I helping my son too much, not enough? My Al-Anon Sponsor told me, “Allow your him the dignity of facing his problems so he can think about where he was, how he got there, and work through what he has to do in order to put his life back on track. Then, he’ll remember both the consequences of his addiction and the sweet personal success and honorable hard work that took him out of the darkness and into the light.”
My personal reflection on the passage offering my thoughts today: A heroin addict of twenty-years once told Jeff, “Never deny an addict his pain.” I didn’t understand this for a long time; however, I understand now – Jeff needed to feel the effects, the consequences of his choices, of his addiction. By getting in the way of the consequences and by trying to protect him, we all suffered more, including Jeff.
Today’s Promise to consider: I’ll stay close to my son as he learns from the consequences of his decisions. He’ll remember his mistakes and he’ll also remember the sweet personal success of honorable hard work that took him out of the darkness and into the light.
My addicted child has been in and out of our county jail thirteen times. I remember one conversation in which he asked to be bailed out and I resonded, “Well, I have some good new and some bad news. The bad news is, I cannot bail you out but the good news is, with each consequence your addiction brings, you are one step closer to recovery.” He, of course, didn’t see the wisdom in my response but he did later, much later.
Blessings and prayers for all of us and our children.
jeff & especially Libby:::
you’ve both been an incredible source of inspiration and guidance toward the Light. Jeff taught me more than he will ever know, as did you. Libby, I remember each word you said to me and I’m grateful for being there to catch a small glimpse of the world at work inside of you. you. I knew your were struggling, but as I was going through my own heavy and seemingly unbearable struggles, I never quite understood your pain or seemed to care enough to change for all of us. Libby, you had a deep and profound effect on me & I carry it with me… I’ll never forget you. I’ll always admire you – your strength – your Love – your passion & devotion to your two indcredible sons. I only wish I could be half the woman you are someday.
Always,
-allie
Dear Allie,
Thanks for reaching out to me and thanks for your kind and gracious message. Life has been hard on us all, but we survived, learned powerful lessons and are stronger for them. You are talented, smart, kind and compassionate and you will do great things. Know that I want only the best for you. I believe in you.
With love,
Libby