Our beloved Dr. MacAfee, my son’s addiction therapist, told me: Silencing your feelings, your most potent inner instincts, will leave you living in fear as you wait for the other shoe to drop. Speak your truths for your benefit and the benefit of your son.
My reflection: When my son was in active addiction, I worried about every word that I said to him. Would he hear my love for him, or would we dissolve into confrontation? Would he walk out and be lost, once again. I shoved my thoughts into my belly until I got sick. I felt invisible, powerless, and angry.
Today’s Promise to consider: Today, I will speak up. I will stop the cycle of swallowing my voice and holding my feelings inside until they spew out in destructive ways. Walking on eggshells is no way to live. The dynamic of this unhealthy dance between my suffering loved one and me must stop. I am determined to keep myself balanced, respected, and heard.
Heard in the rooms frequently “We are only a sick as our secrets” sharing the addiction in the rooms was very freeing for me…I no longer had to stuff it and not talk to anyone about it.
Dearest Claire, Your experience with Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are important to all of us. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Thank the Lord for family programs, where we ‘no longer have to stuff it and not talk to anyone about’ our problems. Thanks for staying close all these years. xoxo
This morning when I opened my email and saw the Thursday meditation, something struck me. I realize that every Thursday when I see your words, Libby, I am immediately comforted- even before I start reading. It’s like an oasis…to stop, to breathe, and to feel wrapped in a warm blanket. A warm blanket of love and understanding and of knowing I’m not alone. I appreciate this so much, and today’s message resonates, as they all do. Thank you, Libby. You are truly a generous soul for sharing your gifts of hope and love.
My dearest Laurie, Your comment touched me deeply. Thank you. I shared your message with my son because he helps me with every post. I wanted him to see first-hand that his suffering and recovery make a difference with other moms. I love your words, “A warm blanket of love and understanding and of knowing I’m not alone.” Your reflection gives me hope that our words touch other lives, too. My love and sincere thanks. xo
Amen. Yes.
Every Thursday you have been spot on to how I’m feeling. Walking on eggshells afraid to cause an argument etc. I’ve been trying to talk to my AD with love and concern instead of anger and hurt.
Dear Trish, I join you in hope that we can talk with our children with love and concern instead of anger and hurt. You’re right that walking on eggshells is an exhausting way to live. I’ve found that sometimes it’s not WHAT I say, but HOW I say it. We’ll join together in love and prayer. xo
I will never leave my son, he is in rehab and I miss him so much.Lord Jesus took him
Dear Julanda, Your son is in rehab, and this is a blessing. He is safe and working on himself. I join you in prayer for his total healing.
In order to hear my own true voice means I have to stop. Stop doing and listen. To the silence. It can be so painful when we feel the truth of what we are living. So very hard to get through sometimes. Yet it is worth it, in the end, to know we are not running away. That is a marathon we will never finish. Seems I have had to learn that lesson more than once. Yet, when we get to that place we can speak from the broken open heart, there is relief for everyone. And there, waiting, will always be the words we need to say. I remember so well when I stopped trying to fix /heal.help my son with every conversation we had and when I started to be present to our reality and speak from love not fear or anger or desire to change. I never got it perfect, but it changed everything. And that change happened when I knew there was another mother out there who felt like I did, who knew the impossible dance and nightmare of addiction of a loved one and who shared her truth. Her name is Libby. God bless you and all who are here in pain and suffering. This is a soul journey for all of us. When I stop doing and just be… I hear my own true voice and that is the greatest gift. We learn to live in the truth no matter how hard it is. We share. We hope on.
Dearest Joy, Your message is filled with truth. Yes, we have to ‘stop doing and listen.’ It sounds easy, but it’s so difficult. To be present with our feelings can be frightening, but that’s where the learning starts. I love your thought, “I remember well when I stopped trying to fix/heal/help my son with every conversation we had and when I started to be present to our reality and speak from love not fear or anger or desire to change. I never got it perfect, but it changed everything.” Yes, yes, yes. It’s a mother’s nature to want to fix/heal/help — even take the place of our children as if we can carry the pain instead of them. I learned the most from my son when I quit talking and started listening. When he felt safe against judgment, that’s when the healing started for us. You’re right – we share, and we hope on. I join you in prayer and hope. My love to you.
Safe against judgment. O Libby I think of how the world might be in a world we all felt safe against judgment. Takes a long time to find our safe places but you have created one … what you do hugs us in to a space we feel heard understood and safe against judgement including our own against ourselves.
My dear friend, You’re right — to be safe against judgment in all things, and the world would be a better place. Addiction is rooted in judgment. I join you in hope and prayer. My love to you.