This is part of a journal entry that I wrote four years ago: My mind wanders continually to my addicted son – I’m so connected to him. I think I’ve trained my heart to think of him constantly because he’s had so many problems. My soul is tormented with worries about him and even in my quiet times, my mind settles on him. I need to feel some peace knowing that I have done all I can do. I wish and I pray that he becomes well.
My personal reflection on the passage above, offering my thoughts today: My life was suffocated with worry for my son. Every minute of every day was choked with thoughts of him: what he was doing, where he was or where he might be. I had to stop worrying. I was distracted, my work was becoming impossible and sleep was racked with bad dreams and demons. Because of despair and feelings of shame, I isolated myself and kept it a secret, which didn’t help my family or me. I wanted to control my heart, but it was impossible. Prayer gave me the serenity that I needed. With prayer, I didn’t feel so alone.
Today’s promise to consider, for all of us who love addicts: I will stop the constant worry. I will pray and find my peace. With God, all things are possible.212
The slogans practiced in Alanon and Step 3 have helped me find some peace and serenity, at least for the moment. Prayer, daily readings and Alanon meetings are the only way I have been successful in learning (still a process) how to detach with love. Thank you for reminding us how to let go and let god.
I too am constantly filled with worry, especially now that one son is serving time in prison and the other is on the verge of leaving his current rehab program 7 months too early. I’ve tried to visit the one who is incarcerated four times, without success. I’m beginning to wonder if God does not want me there. I feel so helpless and am resigning myself to the obvious – that all I can do is pray and listen.