A mother wrote to me: My son is using heroin. I tried to help him, but I also know that I enabled him more than helped. I recently told him he had to leave my home after money went missing again. I questioned myself – was I wrong or right? He said he wasn’t using again, but then I found proof that he was. It is the constant questioning of myself and my feelings that is breaking me. I want so badly to believe him, to believe he is telling me the truth, but it’s hard, especially when time after time I find out that I have been fooled.
My reflection: It took me years to admit that my addicted son was lying. Not only did he lie about his drug use, he lied even when he didn’t have to. Lies became a way of life. I finally learned not to listen to his words, but to watch his actions.
Today’s Promise to consider: We want to believe our children for two reasons: 1. Because we love them and want to trust our relationships, and 2. Because if we don’t believe them, we have to do something about their use. In time, I finally had to acknowledge the level of duplicity and deception my son was living. He lied in order to keep his addiction. Honesty is the critical part of recovery – for both of us.
The Big Book, pg 58: They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty.