A dad wrote to me: I got so tired of the lies and the constant drama that our family was brought into. We parents care so much for our children that it’s really difficult to watch them self-destruct. I’m getting much better at realizing that I am in control of just one person: myself. I think prayer is the only answer.
My reflection: It’s incredibly difficult to admit that we can’t control the behavior of our addicted loved ones. It was unfathomable to me that Jeff wouldn’t listen, even when I threatened dire consequences. My dad’s words rang in my ears, “Tell him to stop, daughter. Dammit. Tell him to stop.”
Today’s Promise to consider: Once at an Al-Anon meeting, the speaker held a hula-hoop over her head and then dropped it around her and onto the floor. She pointed to her feet and the space inside the hoop, “I can control only what’s inside this hoop.” It was a simple visual that resonated deeply with me. My son had his own hoop. I had mine. There’s only room for one in an addiction.
I have followed your blog and enjoyed encouragement from your writings for years while walking with my son and his addiction journey. It has been such a hard 6 years. Thank you for praying for my son, Ben, and my family in general. His addiction took a very self destructive turn. He admitted himself into the hospital on Feb 27 th and on March 9th, the hospital released him. Within 24 hours he relapsed and killed an uncle who had abused him as a child. I am heartbroken because our family lost both my uncle and my son. He is in prison for murder and all I can think about is thanking God that my son finally is in a place where he has to abstain. Maybe he can finally get help and beat addiction. I know it is much more pleasant to talk with him. He is finally coherent. I pray that no other mother has to deal with this, but I wanted to let you know that what happens in your loved ones life may be a contributing factor, but no pain causes addiction. In jail, my son went from feeling justified that his actions stopped a child molester, to going crazy on the very next thing that he felt hurt him. He didn’t even have a moments peace from his self described act of justice. So if your loved one tells you ‘if only….’ Be assured that ‘if onlya’ are NOT the solution, just another symptom of the disease of addiction. May God bless our loved ones with deliverance and peace. May we hold them close until they find their way. May we all have protection in this disease process.
Dear Theresa,
Thanks for reaching out here. I’m so sorry to hear what happened. What a tragedy. Please know that I’ll continue to pray for your son and your family. Let’s stay close and keep believing. May God bless our loved ones and bring them peace.
My love and respect,
Libby