A dad wrote to me: After 21 years of addiction, my son told me that during his darkest days he knew his family loved him and would welcome him back into the family when he decided to change his life. He told me that while he was working his 12 Steps, this knowledge – that home would stay close – is what gave him hope for the future. Never give up!
My reflection: My son once wrote to me, These last couple months have been trying – for both of us. Thank you for not giving up on me. You believe in me more that I believe in myself. You give me courage and strength.
Today’s Promise to consider: Where there is life, there is hope. Let us never quit believing that recovery is possible. Addiction wants us to give up and give in. Let’s hold hands, work our own recovery program, and keep fighting the good fight. Let’s never quit believing.
This is such a hopeful story-21 years of addiction. I can imagine that in the depth of the fog of addiction, a little voice in him just KNEW there was hope. And that hope came from the eternal love that a parent has for their child. We tell our son every time We talk to him how much We love him. I pray that he’ll always remember that the love of his family will never waver. Ever. I hope that knowledge is easily retrieved from deep inside him, when he needs it the most.
A friend told me this was “enabling” him. Expressing deep love for your child isn’t enabling, but may end up being a big part of their recovery.
Bless you all who are suffering.
Dearest Laurie, You are 100% correct. Loving our child is not enabling him. Love heals, inspires, and sustains. My son made a decision to change his life when I quit giving him money, but continued to tell him that I loved him and that home was waiting for him when HE chose to live in the solution. I join you in prayer for all our suffering loved ones. Love to you.
It’s so hard when you try to believe and help, only to find my son doesn’t believe in anything or anyone. He plays the “wo is me” game for pity and money. I still haven’t given up. He knows l am here, but only to help, not to give in.
I get that for sure! The part of them that’s SO self centered is very hard to take. It is like their personality is gone. Like He’s not the same person you knew. A horrible thing for a parent to endure. Keep loving and praying, and taking care of YOU. It took me a long time to do that.
Good for you to stand strong. I did enable, but now I have learned the difference between a steadfast love VS enabling this monster of a disease to continue.
Well said Laurie! Addiction captures our children’s soul. They are being held captive against their will. When they speak or commit an illegal act it is not the child we raised it is Addiction.
Pat, You continue to inspire all of us. Thank you.
Dear Laurie, Yes – the addict is SO self-centered. The addiction takes over our child’s very soul, and he becomes someone we don’t even recognize. Our child is under the drugs, and the drug use has to stop first before our child reemerges. I, too, enabled for years. It took me 14 years to understand the difference between loving my son and enabling his drug use. I stand with you in strength and prayer.
Dear Mary Ann, Addicts are manipulative and smart. They know how to twist words and get what they want – and what they usually want is money. We parents must establish boundaries and be clear about what we will do and won’t do. Love is never the question. I agree – we are here to help our children, not to give in to their desperate demands. Prayers for all of us. xo