I will face this next “round” with the new philosophy. I have attached a picture of the pendant I wear. My son’s initials are on the back. My pendant is a reminder to me each moment of where I need to be in my relationship with my son as he struggles with his addiction.
My response: When I opened this mom’s email and saw the pendant, my eyes filled with tears of gratitude that our family’s struggle had opened a possibility, an alternative way of being, for another mom. When the recovering Italian alcoholic told me, Stagli Vicino: Stay Close to him, I understood, in a new way, my role as a mom with an addicted son.
Today’s Promise to consider: I will adopt this philosophy of staying close to those I love, not just with addiction, but in all cases. I can’t fix problems for others, but I can support them by staying close.
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View Comments (16)
Hi Libby,
This post is so touching! I love your idea of staying close and I think of those words often when I interact with my own children. Thanks for sharing!
Dear Libby, I had tears in my eyes after I read this post. It was touching. I know how difficult it is to have a child who is an addict. It's difficult to stay close when they're in active addiction(almost impossible). But, when my son was in active addiction, I stayed close to him by telling him that I loved him unconditionally (and he always knew that). That didn't mean I would give him money, etc.
Each of us must have our own positive philosophy to help us through each day, month, year....
As always, thank you for sharing. Thank you, once again, for continuing this forum. You and all the people who participate have helped me cope with the most devastating thing any mother could go through.
With much love,
Barbara
Dear Barbara,
I love you! You make us all better and your words stay with me, always. You are right - each of us needs to find a positive philosophy, a way to love the addict but to get out of the way. Dr. MacAfee told me, "Sure you love Jeff, but you're loving him to death." There are NO easy answers with addiction. Our children know we love them, but we know that we can't fix them.
Your pain is the ultimate that any mother could go through. I thank YOU for staying close to us.
With love and respect,
Libby
Dear Cathy,
Together we have a chance of bringing addiction out of the shadows and into the light where it can be healed. Thanks to you!
Libby
I would also be mindful of that precious time where your child is attempting to stay clean. Perhaps he was recently released from jail or maybe he recently finished an inpatient program.
There is no way to be sure if they will stay in recovery so take extra care to value this time and enjoy each moment of their sobriety. If the worst does happen, you can look back and be at peace with yourself. Take lot's of pictures, enjoy the love, the hugs, the smiles.
Please do not focus on your fears.
What a powerful statement, "Do not focus on your fears." Pat, thanks! I needed to hear those words.
Love to you,
L
Dear Pat, your comments are so true! I liked what you said to savor every moment of their sobriety (when it happens) and if the worst happens, you can look back and be at peace with yourself. Those are powerful, positive, suggestions for any parent who has a child who is an addict.
I also agree with not to focus on your fears. It's a vital learned thought process that is vital for the parent to survive this disease.
Deep respect,
Barbara
Do not focus on your fears. Another great philosophy to use as I move forward. Pictures during sobriety really are great! I framed a beautiful one of my son and my 10 year old grandson (his nephew)from his recent "sober" time. Addiction really does give you a great appreciation for those special moments that make life so beautiful.
Blessings to all
Teresa
After my son relapsed this last time, he felt like his sober time didn't mean anything, but he was so wrong. It still means a tremendous amount. Besides, I believe that each stint in recovery provides a seed that will eventually take hold. I have a photograph of him performing a song at a recovery fest held in October 2010, and my dad made a dvd of his performance. The photo and the dvd capture the real Gary.
Thank you everyone for being here. :)
Dear Traci, I like what you said that each recovery plants a seed. My son was in and out of recovery all his life. I can attest that I believe he learned something each and every time he was in recovery.
Thank you for your insight.
Love,
Barbara