A father wrote: We have been fighting this battle with addiction with two sons and for five years. We are in a place of never knowing the right thing to do. We find it impossible to practice “tough love” the way the “experts” say it is done. Just last week I asked my wife if there are situations worse than death – what a terrible question to ask about your child.
My thoughts: We don’t know what to do in the face of addiction. We try our best, but sometimes nothing works. We force our children in rehab, throw them out of the house, wring our hands and make promises to God. We try to follow the advice of experts. In the end, we realize that this is not our fight to win. It is the fight of our addict.
Today’s Promise to consider: I will surrender my will because I know this battle is one my child must fight. I will stay close and continue to love him, but he must make the decision to stop the drugs. I know I can’t do this for him. I will pray and hope.
1919
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An addicted daughter speaks of Her mother, "She was a different woman today from the mother I'd grown up with. She was powerful and stood her ground and told the truth as clearly as she could. My mom would not allow addiction in her life, and I believed her. Her clarity helped solidify my resolution to stay sober."
I spoke to a man in recovery in my church and I asked him, "How did you get sober?" and he responded, "My parents finally got out of my way."
To allow my son to fight this battle by himself is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.
I can't do this by myself. I need God.
I need the twelve steps, I need my sponsor.
I need other parents, like you, to guide me and give me continual hope.
Thank you all.
This weeks blog brings me back to the days when I too uttered to myself and others in the room, The exact same statement that came out of this parents mouth. The pain is so great watching our children in active disease. Then when they go to rehab because we "forced a solution" we are afraid of relapse and having to start at square 1 again. Chaos is endless until we are strong enough and clear enough to say no more Some of us get to that point sooner than others. Some cannot reach that point.
One thing I know for sure, Al Anon guided my journey along with God. I am a recovering co dependent and my growth and journey will continue until the day I no longer breath because addiction has affected my life.
We are all there for the newcomer now, as well as ourselves
God bless
Thank you, Pat and Jane, for your comments...I, like you, recall those days of desperation and constantly feeling as if I was in 'crisis mode.' Those days are far and few between now. For the newcomers, I offer you the promise of Alanon...it works if you work it and it doesn't if you don't.
Alanon, along with Libby and all the incredible people on this blog have literally, saved my life. We are all in this together. I join you in prayer and hope for our loved ones.
Love,
Nanci
I am thinking of Barbara tonight who has suffered so much with the loss because of this disease. How are you Barbara. Sending hugs and thoughts in your direction through the cosmic air waves.
Love
Jane
Thank you so much for thoughts, Jane. It means so much to me. I send hugs to you!
This disease of addiction is so powerless. It's all consuming to the addict. The only thing we can do, is just what Libby says in her book. Stay out of the chaos and for God's sake, don't give them any money.
I tried the "tough love" on my son. It just didn't work. I believe he knew what I was doing. He was very intelligent, but so devious when he was in active addiction.
I've been praying for all of you, and praying you never have to go through what I went through. Because it's just so final. I still miss hearing my son's voice. And I miss the facebook photos my grandson would send me.
God Bless,
Barbara
I want to express a heartfelt Thank You to all of you. Thank you for your words of comfort and thank you for being here. Thank you for thinking of me. It means so much to me.
God Bless you all
My son called today from the "farm" - medium security after 70 days -21 hours a day in lock up. He wanted to talk. He's calm. He's grateful to be out of the other place. He's scared. He's clean. He's depressed. He's gained 20 pounds. The longest he's been clean since he was 16. He's 32. I listened, thinking of Barbara, all the times she said how she longed for those calls. So I listened a LONG TIME. He's getting help in a program he's chosen. This means he stays in longer. Good, I thought, Good. One day at a time. One breath at a time. I'm dedicated first to my journey. I'm learning to stop wanting everyone to be healed "now." InIf anf when and how in God's time. I'm breathing into what is. For today, I am grateful he is safe and not using and not on the street.
Love to you all.
I found this blog yesterday after reading Libby's book in a day. Thank you, thank you Libby, for putting this out there--a place to come and not be alone. I also went to my first Al-Anon meeting last night. Although I first found out about my daughter's heroin addiction last May, I hadn't reached out to many people. I will keep coming back here...reading, listening, letting the tears flow. Thank you to all whose comments have already given strength and comfort. XO
Welcome to Libby's blog. It is a place for all of us to support each other and learn from each other T.J. Good decision to go to Al Anon as well. It is a family disease and we all get sick so we all need treatment. Keep going to Al Anon meetings, and frequent this blog. It all sinks in slowly and we start to make better decisions for ourselves.
Barbara good to hear from you. Thinking of you and hoping you are able to have some serenity
Love
Jane
Welcome TJ. We're glad you're here. You are not alone. All of us here have gone through the same thing. Jane is right. We help each other and learn from each other.
Good luck with the Al Anon meetings. They've helped so many people in your shoes.
I'm glad you came here.