TEACHING EVERYDAY COURAGE, PART 2

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Son Jeremy with daughter Iysa

A dad wrote: This post (about the young girl having courage to raise her hand even though other kids might laugh at her) reminded me that I can continue to improve my own ability to be more confident and courageous. I don’t think it matters if you are 6 or 66 – as the parent of an addicted child, I need all the confidence and courage I can find! Prayers for continued courage to fight the good fight. 

My reflection: My initial thoughts about courage were focused only on the child. I wondered if I hadn’t taught Jeff to be courageous when faced with peer pressure or tough choices. In recovery, I praised his courage to fight for himself and his life. This dad’s comments helped me to think about a parent’s courage. Courage doesn’t mean that parents aren’t afraid, but rather that we push through our fears and do our best in spite of them. There is a saying in Al-Anon, “Courage is fear that has said its prayers.”

Today’s Promise to consider: As parents, we have many opportunities to role model for our children everyday courage. We need to show our children how to fight the good fight and to stand up for what is right even when we are standing alone. Today, I’ll stay close. I’ll hold out my hand and ask my child to hold on as he practices courage.

 

 

 

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Jane
Jane
9 years ago

Yes Libby I have heard that same saying about courage in Al Anon. In the early years Of being a parent with an addicted child I would sit in a chair with tears in my eyes and a blanket wrapped around me while I prayed for the safety of my son when I did not know where he was.
There are many opportunities to role model to ourchildren, our newcomers to our support groups, and to whoever needs our support. We have been to hell and back and the experience has given us tools and courage. Thanks to God I heve survived this experience with both
Jane

Libby Cataldi
Libby Cataldi
9 years ago

Jane, You were the person who reminded me of the saying, “Courage is fear that has said its prayers,” so I thank you. Yes, we’ve been to hell and back, and thank the Lord for Al-Anon and supportive friends and family.
Let’s keep each other and our families in our continued prayers. My love to you. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

Penny
Penny
9 years ago

Courage….that is a big word for me today as I have learned of the death of one of my son’s schoolmates. Of course, it was an overdose. My heart is heavy and I have had my cry, and my temper tantrum and now I am praying for the courage to get through this latest blow from this disease of addiction. I am also praying for strength for my son to get through this without backsliding again. I ask you all for your prayers and as always I am sending you my love and prayers.

Jane
Jane
9 years ago

Prayers for you and your family Penny. May you find a place of peace

Libby Cataldi
Libby Cataldi
9 years ago

Penny, I join with Jane as we hold virtual hands and pray for your son, you and your family. You might find some comfort in an Al-Anon meeting. I went Thursday night and found peace in the halls. Love you.

Hope
Hope
9 years ago

My prayers to you Penny and the family who mourns–my gratitude too for sharing with us. And for Jane’s words and prayers and Libby’s post. Thank you for reminding me of that word–. Sometimes i wonder what takes most courage to be still and do nothing and wait…. for contact or that phone call. Or to try and maintain contact– even if the addict using does not want contact. I try to work the al-anon steps and do my daily reading, try to go on with my life and not be swallowed by the sadness at the centre of our life but I need to say –even though I find spaces for joy and have much to be grateful for — I just miss my son. I miss my son– I miss him even in his addicted self. I miss my son even if he has hurt others and me. I miss my son who tried and failed one more time. I want my son in my life. He is alive but gone. I want to see his eyes. I want to hug him. I want to stop dreaming about him. I want him to heal. I pray and ask for guidance. God, grant me peace — Tell me how not to want these things. Sometimes I am so not serene. Far far from courageous. Just sad. I don’t like self -pity and really try not to give into it- but had to share my truth today. Maybe there are others who feel that there are days the sadness wins. Today I tok a big step and wrote to a friend of his. I did not have courage enough to do nothing. I asked her for any news good or bad. Maybe, that is a little bit brave. Like I said, sometimes I do not know what courage means. Still, prayers and hope to all.

Jane
Jane
9 years ago

Oh Hope. I’ve been exactly where you are once a while ago. Somehow, the acute sadness, chronic sadness did dull for me. My experience strength and hope here. This is what happened to me. I was the woman on the couch who cried and felt lost. I walked from room to room without purpose. I felt like a shell. I tried to fix my son over and over again. I don’t give up easily. My interventions did not work. He got worse the more I tried.
I did stop trying in a bold way, but I started to change my M.O. I worked on me and my changes. I got a psychiatrist for medicine, a therapist for talk therapy and some intensive alanon and all the al anon books I could buy and read. Something happened…….I started to let go. I started to accept more and I started to fret less. Is he in a great recovery place? No. But I am. I can only change me. He is getting by and better little by little. I don’t know if he will ever be the kid I thought I had. But I am healing

Love to you
Jane

Jane
Jane
9 years ago

I guess what I just wrote fits the bill for everyday courage. It does take courage to work so hard on yourself when all you want to do is cry for the sadness of the disease
Hugs to all of you fighting this with courage

Hope
Hope
9 years ago

Thanks Jane. So much. Yes, all of the above. I have a good support network I think. Funny, I put this all out there and three hours later, after months of silence and disappearance — I received an email from him and this was before the friend had a chance to contact him. Maybe there is some kind of power in prayer and truth telling that reaches our lost children. He says he’s happy and wants to address the mess. And will keep in touch. We go slow. We breathe deeper. I am not indifferent to this in any way. I am happy to hear from him — happy. It does not change my life, it just means I have contact and can try to figure out how to stay close but out of chaos. All these months I sent prayers and videos and songs thru emil. Turns out he got them. One step at a time. f God bless us all. Courage to speak. Courage to stay still. Courage to accept.. Courage to love.

Barbara
Barbara
9 years ago

I have missed all of you so much. I had to write a little. I had back surgery on Jan. 4th and am recovering at home. I’m doing very well. But, I have missed all of you and I want you to know that.

I will be praying for all of you. Jane, Hope, Penny and Libby. Yes, courage is and can be everything we see, touch, smell, read…..etc. I always have to find courage to talk about my son’s death. But, I always pray for the courage, and I get it from our heavenly Father. I am forever grateful.

God bless you all. I miss my friends here at Libby’s forum.

With lots of love,

Barbara

Jane
Jane
9 years ago

Welcome back Barbara and a speedy recovery to you. We’ve missed your wisdom!
Jane

Paula
Paula
9 years ago

Hope said, “Courage to speak. Courage to stay still. Courage to accept. Courage to love.” Thank you for those words. They ring so true as the Mom of a 34 year old addict.

Paula

Libby Cataldi
Libby Cataldi
9 years ago

Thanks to all who share your wisdom and strength with us. A hearty ‘welcome back, Barbara,’ from all of us! We’ve missed you. I’m glad you are doing well and will keep you in my prayers for a complete recovery.

I talked with Jeff about courage, and he said what Barbara said – that his courage comes from his faith. I learn everyday.

Love to you all.
Libby