THE TERROR OF ADDICTION

jeff - dark.jpgDr. MacAfee told me, In the world of addiction, losing a child is the terror that threatens parents. When death happens, there is never closure. In time, a parent can not think about it, but it’s always there. A mother once told me, “I sleep now because the worse that could happen has happened.” Parents try to live with the pain and go on, but the pain is never alleviated. It never goes away.

My reflection: The above conversation happened because I asked Dr. MacAfee to explain the idea of, “A time to mourn and a time to dance.” I wanted to understand the shift from grief to acceptance, and eventual contentment. As we talked, I realized that even today, after seven years of Jeff living a sober life, I can still feel the knife that cuts through my body when I remember his active addiction years. What must a parent feel who loses a child? The pain is unimaginable.

Today’s Promise to consider: Grief does get better, lighter. In time and with spirituality, the grief subsides. Today, I acknowledge that addiction reigns terror and destruction. If the worst happens to me and my family, I must put one foot in front of the other. I must go on.

 

 

 

 

2262
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

13 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Barbara
Barbara
8 years ago

Dear Libby,

You, above all people, understand the terror and grief that I have endured. After losing my son and my grandson to the terror of addiction, I thought I would never feel normal again. But, time does heal. Time doesn’t heal ALL things, but time helps.

Losing a child to addiction puts a hole in your heart.
That hole is there forever. But, together, we can fill that hole with love, understanding and comfort. We stand together forever. I have found such a comfort in this blog, since I lost my son and grandson. Thanks to Libby, and this forum, I can voice my feelings about the terror of addiction without shame of judgement.

With much love and respect,

Barbara

Ann Thomas
Ann Thomas
8 years ago

Today’s thought is so true. I lost my son-in-law and the pain is deep, but I can’t imagine how his parents go on. They told me shortly after the passinig that they could sleep better now because they knew there would be no more of the anxiousness about what might happen in the middle of the night.

Joan Fitzgerald
Joan Fitzgerald
8 years ago

I am still haunted by this “terror” as it did happened to me , finding my son cold and gone on the floor, having narcan but being too late , that terror that fear that I lived with for years was there right in front of me. As my sons’s first year anniversary approaches, these emotions start flooding back not only for me , his mother but his brothers and father too.
Please pray for all those who lost their battle with addiction and pray for those who must move forward and never forget their loved ones
Thank you Libby

Joan Fitzgerald
Portsmouth RI

Barbara
Barbara
8 years ago

Ann,

I can relate to your posting. I, too, can sleep better knowing that my son doesn’t have to experience the terror of addiction anymore. I no longer have to worry about that call in the middle of the night. My young grandson was only 19 years old and had just had a son of his own. He dabbled in heroin and shortly thereafter, overdosed.

Addiction kills. It robs the user of freedom. It robs the parents of peace.

I pray, everyday, for all the addicts of the world. The terror of addiction is just that….terror.

Alexis
Alexis
8 years ago

I have a son who is currently battling a heroin addiction and this probability – because it is one – is with me 24/7. When I awake in the morning I am thankful that the phone didn’t ring and hopeful that today things may change. But I am also aware that each time could be his last. He has overdosed once.

My heart is with everyone that has lost a child. I send my prayers. I understand how close my family is to this outcome.

These thursday meditations are a blessing for me because they speak my fears, tell me its ok to have them and bring peace in their words.

Susan Pinkham
Susan Pinkham
8 years ago

I will always remember the screaming on the phone when my daughter called to tell me that her friend had died. Her sobs were heart wrenching.

They were childhood friends and he had been to my home many times and was an incredibly sweet kid. Even though both had used drugs, my daughter was clean 6 months when her friend overdosed on heroin. I felt so guilty when I went to the funeral because I was secretly grateful that it wasn’t my child’s funeral.

I will never forget him and I will never forget my daughter’s grief that day.

JOY
JOY
8 years ago

Barbara : I pray every day for every family who knows the terror. The horror. The constant fear. Especially for those like u Barbara and Joan — whoinspire me still.

Maybe the terror we lived with and survived is the lesson: we go on despite all the heartache and pain.

Miracles really Small or big but miracles of healing.

Sue
Sue
8 years ago

” The Terror Of Addiction”, the words are so true. Joan, Ann and Barbara my heart goes out to you both as you have experienced what we all fear most about this disease.

I find the waiting the hardest. Always wondering when that call will come, hoping its a good one but fearing the worst. As the days go by life carries on and I work at getting back to my life and happiness again but that sadness still seems to live in me, sometimes just below the surface and other times deep within but always there.
There are no clear answers for this disease which always leaves you wondering and coming to terms with that is what I find so difficult.

One day at a time.

Barbara
Barbara
8 years ago

How I remember the days and nights wondering when I would get that call. Deep within me, I knew I would get it eventually. And, eventually it came. I will never ever forget that call. My husband tried so hard to console me, but I couldn’t be consoled. I will never be consoled.

Joan, my heart goes out to you. You know what it’s like to lose your son. And, Ann, how awful for you and your son-in-law. I’m so sorry.

But, it’s people like you who come to this forum and speak you’re true feelings, it’s people like you who show your love and compassion through cyberspace, that keep me alive and help me cope. I thank you all for your compassion.

With love and hugs,

Barbara

Jane
Jane
8 years ago

To all of you on this forum I send my prayers for your and my serenity, peace, and ability to live one day at a time in the midst of this disease. It is a disease of losses, grief, impaired relationships. We learn from each other. We support each other. We hug and comfort in cyberspace.
I too was close to losing my son from an overdose . Watching him on a ventilator for 10 days and wondering if his brain would be ok when he woke up. He got through it and we did too, but I am forever changed knowing the possibilities are so real. But I do not fear anymore. I have put that all in Gods hands. I have no control over it. Somehow God has taken that pressing fear out of me. I wish that for others as well. It is hard to live in fear.
God bless
Jane

Jane
Jane
8 years ago

I think often of parents or addicts who have paid the ultimate price. My heart goes out to you. I send my love and prayers for your peace

Deanna
Deanna
8 years ago

I live with this pain daily, my only son (child) has been battleing cocaine addiction and has been in Rehabs many many times, stayed clean for some months then back to drugs. It hurts so much to know that he feels a failure, and I know that I cannot do it for him. I am learning to let go of what is going on now, and what I do, that is helping me as well, in meditation, I hold my son in the Light and see and feel him happy and healthy……