A young girl, suffering from a crystal meth addiction, wrote to me: I met the local drug dealer. It’s been 2 weeks and 2 days, and l have a meth addiction again. It has been 2 years, l think, or maybe 3, since l relapsed. I don’t remember.
I constantly hear voices and can’t leave the house in daylight. I am convinced everyone hates me. The voices tell me that they will kill me, or I’m ugly, or I’m disgusting or that l smell. Some days l have 8 showers and then the next day l get so scared it takes all day to have 1 shower. Most days, I don’t trust the water out of the tap.
I’ve never ever hung with a crowd so violent. Last night a guy pulled a knife on a house full of people. And it’s hard when l never know what’s real.
Thank you for listening to me as l have no one to talk to. I have my mom, but l don’t want her stressed out. I’m afraid the stress will kill her. My lifelong friends and family have nothing to do with me. My mom and cousin try, but l abuse them day and night. l don’t mean to.
It’s all getting worse by the day. I have to go as voices are bad, and l can’t think now.
My reflection: Even in the midst of writing this rambling and tragic message, this young girl is concerned about her mother, loves her and doesn’t want to hurt her.
Today’s Promise to consider: It’s easy to judge an addict as uncaring, selfish, and manipulative. While all of these might be true, as long as our children are alive, they still exist underneath the disease. Their empathy and humanity are still there, just buried deep within. In the face of this, I, too, will keep my empathy and humanity. I’ll continue to love my child, stay close but out of his chaos, and pray he chooses recovery.3224
It’s so true, Libby: the humanity is still there, buried in a pile of lies, deceit and desperation. I think that’s why it’s so hard to help our addicted loved ones; because we know that they are still human somewhere in all of it, we love them and they show us glimpses of it when we are most likely to give up on them. It’s so frustrating. I just had to remember that there were two people there when interacting with my addicted husband: him and the addiction. I’d do anything for my husband, but I’d do nothing for the addiction.
Well said Liz, thanks for sharing your wisdom.
This is exactly what I needed this morning. Thank you. My son was released from jail yesterday (again…too many times to count) and no word from him which typically translates to – he’s back on the streets using heroin. I love him so much and pray constantly that he’ll get sick of the lifestyle and choose to get sober. I need to remind myself that it has nothing to do with not loving me or the family, so thanks for helping me this morning.
“…choose to get sober.” Do you think it might be possible that our addicted children do not have the capability to make choices? Could it be that addiction being a primary disease, a mental disorder has taken over their ability to make choices? Addiction is now in total control and makes the choices for them. Addiction must wear itself out. This occurs when others get out of addiction way and allow ALL the natural consequences to take hold. Once this is accomplished the only path left is recovery. Just my personal experience and opinion.
Thanks you Pat. My choice of words might not have been the best as I agree with you. His brain has changed, the Addiction owns him. He lives on a he streets and is suffering the consequences of his addiction. He hasn’t been enabled by family for years but keeps going back to it and I stay out of his way. I liked Libby’s message reminding us it has nothing to do with a lack of love for the family.
Yes Carri, Libby’s message is very a very important reminder to all parents of addicted children. Blessings, Pat