WALKING ‘WITH’ OR WALKING ‘FOR’

A friend wrote to me: The hardest thing of all for me is to see that we, families and friends, walk a different and separate path from those we love who suffer from the disease of addiction. How can we feel happiness or find peace when someone we love is in pain? We each have to answer that in our own way. I do not always follow this or do it with grace, but I keep trying.

My reflection: I went down the rabbit hole of grief with my son. As he suffered the ravaging consequences of his disease, so did I. As he fell deeper and deeper into addiction’s grasp, so did it. This didn’t help either of us. 

Today’s Promise to consider: It’s normal for us to feel deeply the pain of our suffering loved ones, but we can take this to the extreme and behave in ways that hurt family members, friends, and ourselves. Boundaries are difficult to maintain and they can be different for each of us, but we can’t allow addiction to swallow us whole. Let us meet our loved ones where they are. Let us pray for grace and wisdom.

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Pat Skammer
Pat Skammer
3 months ago

I look forward to these encouraging reflections. Although, thankfully, my son is in recovery, I still have fear! Those painful memories are so deeply part of my experience.

Anne
Anne
3 months ago

Libby, thank you again for doing this wonderful blog. I have found it so sustaining as I have struggled alongside my sons addiction. He is miraculously almost a month sober thanks to some guardian angels in AA who are showing him there is a better way. My son has been to many rehabs but never fully bought into the message of AA. This time he has been embraced by some very good people, and has bought in-it has been the missing link all along. The program has done for him what no amount of love effort and money has been able to do before. A grassroots organization with magical properties. I too have felt I could not ever be happy until my son got sober, but I was just watching a video of a singer called Nightbird on Americas Got Talent. She is 30, riddled with Cancer but sings like an angel. She said something that really struck me as incredible coming from a 30 year old with a 2 % chance of living: “You can’t wait for life to be good again to be happy”. If she is doing that I think we should try too!

Kathy Hufnagel
Kathy Hufnagel
3 months ago
Reply to  Anne

Anne/Libby, my son’s story pretty much mirrors what Anne said. My son was in numerous rehabs, sober livings, etc. and never fully bought into the message of AA until we (his family and OUR family’s LDAC’s stopped telling him AA was the way. He never bought into it. He nearly died several times with his alcohol addiction suffering from pancreatitis, blood poisoning, and seizures. After nearly 8 years of living in so much pain and suffering, he too found some “AA” angels when he decided to go to a meeting on his OWN! He is about 6 months sober. We had finally stopped telling him how to get well as we understood it and let him decide what he wanted to do….while we as parents struggled to let go and let God. I feel like God moved in when WE moved out of the way. Thank you both Anne and Libby for sharing!

Lisa Hillman
Lisa Hillman
3 months ago

Libby, thank you. This is another testament to an organization that never seeks notice yet deserves so much attention.
Lisa