Brothers
A mother wrote to me: When I awake every morning and go to sleep every night, I feel God’s presence in my life and the life of my child. He is good today, but I know it’s one day at a time. Dealing with addiction takes courage, humility and gratitude. Courage to stay close and to love our child, humility to remember that the addiction is strong and can come back at any time, especially when we least expect it, and gratitude for the good things that happen in our lives – both big and small.
My thoughts: Courage, humility and gratitude are powerful forces, much more powerful than I realized years ago. When Jeff was using, I prayed each morning, “Dear Lord, thank you for keeping him alive today.” I expressed gratitude for the day ahead of us, trusting that God heard my words. Today, Jeff is good and our family is thankful. Tomorrow he has another choice to make.
Today’s Promise to consider: When the people we love are in active addiction and we’re used to bad things happening in their lives and ours, it’s easy to fall into resentment. But for today, I will make a concerted decision to see the positive, to start my day with thanks and to live the day in a space of gratitude.
My son was recently released from our county jail and accepted into drug court. However, another county issued a new warrant for his arrest the same day for failure to complete their drug court.
I am certain my son has learned of this new warrant.
I have not spoken to him since he was released and that likely means he is in a drug house.
He will be going to prison for a long time, I suspect.
As Libby post indicates, even when we are faced with our greatest fear it is possible to turn to our God and seek His love and know that our children are in His hands. Trusting God eliminates my fear, frustrations and anxiety.
I am a good parent, like you, and I have done all that I can do.
My son knows he is loved by his family.
I am at peace.
I pray for your peace and serenity as we begin our praise for the birth of our Savior this Christmas.
Hi Libby, it’s been a long time since I have commented on your blog and after seeing your latest post I just wanted to come back and let you know how true this statement is. Both of my kids are on the methadone program and so far are doing well. But you are right, at any moment they could make the wrong choice and things could drastically change. I pray to God every night to keep them on the right track and am so very grateful that they are in recovery and have jobs and dreams for their future. Things could have ended so very differently for them as it was that bad. I look back and cannot believe the things my husband and I went through and the fear that smothered us every day and night, worrying what was going to happen to them. I am amazed I never had a total breakdown and again am so very thankful that we all survived this ordeal. I try to remind myself that I can’t live in fear anymore, I can only pray that they stay on track and be thankful that they are right now.
Hello all.
Pat your post shows your strength to turn it over to God. I have always liked the first 3 steps
I can’t
He can
I’ll let Him
Prayers for you, your family and son.
Pat’s posting is as if I went back in time when my son was headed for prison. I could have cried an ocean of tears when I found out my son was going to prison for a long time. But, it wouldn’t have changed who he was. I always thought that after he spent over a year in prison, he would surely come out and want to stay clean. But, unfortunately, it only made him a better criminal.
As Libby always says, there are no answers. If only we could clone Jeff! We could send them all over the world to tell their story of courage and triumph over addiction.
I realize it’s one day at a time. Each day, I give thanks to God for the previous one (day). I find peace as long as I let him lead the way. And, I’m grateful that my son no longer has to struggle with addiction. But, I miss him. I miss the “collect” prison phone calls. I miss hearing his voice.
Stay strong, Pat. For yourself and your wife.
God’s blessings,
Barbara
Barbara you are such a blessing on this blog. Thank you for sharing. Pat my thoughts are with you.
Jane
I thank all of you .. for your faith and courage and words and I hope Hope can vent here –(: Pat thank you for sharing where you are. It helped me post this.
My son’s girlfriend called me and said she let my son visit. He is in breach of prpbation and no one really knows where he is. Yes, I understand these are her choices–I disagree because I feel as long as he is using he is not safe for a child to be around. I know that is a tough call but It is my instinct as a grandmother. I want to protect who I still can.
I think my instincts were correct. My son left drugs/pills behind. My grandchild found them. He was fine but she had to rush him to the hospital in case. He had taken the pills apart. It was ecstasy. My grandson could have died. She said she now understands why I am telling her to be strong and keep safe and stay our of chaos. She is charging him. Good, i said. Stay strong I said. But he is already in breach. No one has heard from him since she told him what happened- to which he replied, I’m going to kill myself.
My friends –the more I pray and the more I try to keep on with my life and allow peace in — the more things seem to get uglier and harder to bear. This is too much.
I feel with all my hearr that she disease of addiction is a Demon. So dark. So evil. So scary.
None of us were prepared for this. We can’t be.
I am grateful for the angels here. And the light.
And Libby.
It is hard to mourn the living. I have and had gotten to a new place. Feeling deeply, but travelling lightly.
But today —
Today, I will sit still with the tears and sadness. Sometimes, God washes over us. But I will not wallow. I will pray on. I will accept whatever happens.
I know ,because of Barbara , LOVE bears all things.
I will figure out what staying close means in light of this
Thanks for this space and listening to what would have unbearable to me right now.
God bless God bless.
My poor poor Hope…I will pray for you tonight. A prayer for peace to come to you. Your son, his girlfriend, and drugs is not a good place for your grandson to be in. Stay strong with them. Don’t let your grandson around the drugs. But, If you can’t do what you feel you need to do, ask me, ask us, we all want to help you. You will be in my prayers tonight, your grandson and son will be in my prayers, too. Hang in there Hope. We’re here for you. We love you. And, we care about you. Stay close……
Barbara
Barbara –Thank you! I feel the love and the prayers. That is everything. I am distracting myself with face book and twitter and laundry and cooking. But I am horrified beyond words and yes, in some kind of shock. I find processing all of this darkness so hard. I find love for my son right now almost impossible. I feel like I am living in split realities. And yet, something happened to bring me peace a few weeks back. This feeling ( of grace ?) has not left. Maybe from prayers all of you. I need this space and all of you and the patience of my hardworking ROCK of a husband. He is a miraculous gift in my life. God parted the clouds and there he was. I know many many do not have this. So I am grateful for him. I am not TOTALLY alone. My husband and grandkids and all of you make me want to stay close and hold on in the midst of this sadness and madness. It is not the end of story, right ? It is a page. A piece. A moment. Funny how we famileis of addicts learn to live in crisis mode so long that it no longer feels like a crisis. This too will pass.
I feel the trials and tribulations of thiose on this blog and feel the pain and celebrate the triumphs. Hope I will pray for you as well. I was just out to dinner with my other son tonight. He has chosen a career in mental health counseling probably as a direct result of the years of living with the disease in our family life. It truly affects us all. I was grateful he was spared this ugly disease. May God walk with us all on this journey. It is a difficult one.
Thank you all. You make it possible for me to still believe every word of this song. My favourite. May the weeks ahead be filled with love & peace beyond all understanding.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEBBGSgO16M
Hope .. I’ve decided my last name is Faithfull. (:
Dear Libby,
We normally hear from you by now each week. I pray that you’re ok and well.
Miss you here, with love,
Barbara
Dear Hope,
I really enjoyed the song/singer you posted. I’ve always loved that song, too. The lady had a beautiful voice and did a remarkable job.
Thanks, with love and peace,
Barbara
Barbara, You are compassionate and lovely. My mother died on Saturday, December 8, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. She had been ill, and I’ve been by her side for the last five months. She allowed me the privilege of accompanying her on her final passage. I’ll be forever grateful. We found a place of forgiveness and peace.
Thanks for your love and for feeling my loss through the air.
L
Not sure why my post above is listed as ‘anonymous,’ but this is Libby :). Love you all.
Libby my condolences to you and your family. To lose a mother is such a loss. So sorry.
Jane
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family.
Love,
Barbara
My prayers for you and your family. So very sorry to hear of your loss.
Dear Libby,
I am so very sorry to learn of your loss – My heart goes out to you and your family.
With Love,
Susan
Dear Pat, Barbara, Jane and Susan,
Thanks for your support and love. There is a saying in Italian, “La mamma é sempre la mamma,” which means the mother is always the mother. No matter how old we are, our mothers remain that person to whom we feel we matter. I’m grateful my mom passed to a better place. She was tired and was ready to go home. Love you all.
Libby