It Takes a lifetime to learn how to live:
An Italian American story of coming home.
“Libby Cataldi takes the reader on an epic journey, not only to remote Basilicata, but into the hearts and minds of the women who came before her. Armed with her pen and a desire to know the truth, Cataldi digs deep into the soul of Southern Italy and her family secrets to bring us an emotional and beautiful story.”
–Helene Stapinski, author of Murder in Matera
A gem of a book about family love, finding one’s roots, and seeking redemption. This inspiring story of searching for “home” by traveling from Pittsburgh to a small, unheard of town in southern Italy is as enticing as the aromatic Italian tomato sauces Cataldi continually describes. Her journey to locate la famiglia will hearten all readers who have looked for love while wondering “Where do I belong?”
Theresa Brown, New York Times’ bestselling author of The Shift and Healing
It Takes a Lifetime to Learn How to Live is an intimate, multigenerational Italian American memoir immersed in the legacies of secrets, silence, and sacrifice of Southern Italy. In 1915, Carmela leaves the remote village of Rotondella. Her daughter, Laura, grows up determined to sever the past in an effort to be fully American. But decades later, when her life collapses, Laura’s daughter—the memoir’s narrator—sets off alone to Italy in search of truth and belonging.
Her journey leads her back to her ancestral village, where she finds the open arms of family—and also uncovers the lingering shadows of the malocchio, omertà, rigid Catholicism, and a past of abject poverty, arranged marriage, patriarchal control, the Mafia, and a suspicion of sexual abuse. She begins to understand how these forces shaped not only her grandmother’s life, but also her mother’s—and her own. By honoring the courage of the women who came before her, to risk and endure, she finds the grace to forgive, to heal, to make peace with her mother, and
ultimately, to come home to herself.
“As Virgil toured Dante through hell, so Libby Cataldi can hold your hand through a parent’s ultimate nightmare. A gripping story of a bad time for a good person, and how she conquered it.” ―Tom Clancy
“Searingly honest and moving…Cataldi has broken the taboos about being the parent of an addict.” ―New York Daily News
“Mental health professionals and parents of addicts could benefit enormously from reading this heartrending story of a mother’s struggle with her son’s drug addiction. When Cataldi’s hitherto healthy, straight-A student teenage son consorts with bad company and begins using alcohol and marijuana, the author misses the telltale signs. Before too long, he adds cocaine, heroin, and meth. Too late, Cataldi struggles to understand what went wrong as she endeavors to rescue him. Her narration and her son’s, interspersed at key points, poignantly depict the story of addiction and recovery. While addiction memoirs proliferate, few wield the power of this one.” ―Library Journal
“For every drug addict there are at least four people affected, a depressing assertion by some experts that is clearly borne out in this soft-spoken, utterly honest account by educator Cataldi.” ―Publisher’s Weekly
“Cataldi’s writing lays her emotions bare…she doesn’t pull any punches, never shying away from the hard questions or the tough times.” ―The Capital (Annapolis, Maryland)
“A spell-binding and anguished story…of a mother’s deep love.” ―www.ewtn.com (Eternal Word Television Network)
“This is a mother’s exceptionally touching, beautifully written story of pain, and ultimately hope. Cataldi writes a deeply honest, moving chronicle of how the natural, normal love of a family can lock everyone into a negative spiral of horrific loss of control. This mom bares the truth, which is full of confusion and baffling paradox. In a superb afterword, Patrick MacAfee explains how addicted families work and what a mysterious, counter-intuitive process it is to find your way to the freedom of recovery. The memoir, followed by the voice of the professional, offers a powerful guide to those lost in the midst of their own family addiction.” ―Stephanie Brown, Ph.D., Director of The Addictions Institute
Italian Edition:
“Molti libri hanno descritto il dramma della tossicodipendenza. Pochi sono riusciti a cogliere fino in fondo quel senso di impotenza, e quel mare di disperazione che ti sommerge quando scopri che la droga è entrata dentro casa tua. Solo quando hai sperimentato la solitudine, lo sconforto, la paura, il freddo, la fame, il panico e la paralisi – solo quando sei stato disperato, svuotato, a pezzi – solo a quel punto hai scelto una vita diversa”, scrive Libby del figlio Jeff. È una grande verità, che solo chi ha vissuto la droga sulla propria pelle può e sa dire. Ci vuole coraggio. Queste pagine ne sono piene.” ―Andrea Muccioli Responsabile Comunità San Patrignano
“Many books have described the drama of drug addiction. Few have managed to fully grasp that sense of impotence, and that sea of desperation that overwhelms you when you discover that drugs have entered your home. Only when you have experienced loneliness, despair, fear, cold, hunger, panic and paralysis – only when you have been desperate, empty, broken – only at that point have you chosen a different life”, writes Libby of her son Jeff. It is a great truth, that only those who have experienced drugs first-hand can and know how to say. It takes courage. These pages are full of it.” ―Andrea Muccioli Responsabile Comunità San Patrignano
Stay Close is the poignant and powerful story of one family’s struggle to contend with the ravages of addiction in a beloved son and brother. With enormous courage and honesty, Libby Cataldi lays bare the searing family pain as her son descends into a world they cannot fully understand; her fierce efforts to bring him back to health and sanity; and, ultimately, the redemptive power of love, compassion, and a mother’s willingness to stay close to her son even during the most harrowing of times.”
―Ron Goldblatt, Executive Director, Association of Independent Maryland Schools
“Addiction poisons the whole family. It’s the secret we keep from one another and we keep from ourselves. It is only when, like Libby Cataldi, we are willing to share our stories and shine a light into those dark corners that we can begin to recover.” ―Martha Tod Dudman, author of Augusta, Gone