Mom with Jeremy and Jeffrey
When Mom was in hospice, she said, “You know I have fears, but I have courage too. When you were gone, I was sitting right here, and I tried to reach for the wheelchair so I could take myself into the bathroom. I stretched with all my might, but I couldn’t quite make it, so I decided not to take the chance. You see, I had the courage to try, but I was afraid I’d fall.”
“I’m glad you tried, Mom, but I’m more glad you didn’t fall.”
“But don’t you understand?” she pleaded with me. “When I yell at you, it’s because I’m afraid of something. I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sure I still do. I have many regrets, but most of what I did wrong, I did when I was afraid. I’m still learning about myself, don’t you see? It takes a lifetime to learn how to live.”
My reflection: Mom and I had a complicated relationship, but before her death she allowed me to see her vulnerability. I came to understand that she had a life before she became my mother, and it was that life that shaped her, hurt her, made her who she was. I wish I had understood this years earlier.
Something to think about: In the end, Mom showed incredible courage by allowing me to know her and to understand her emotional wounds. This helped me deepen my relationship with her and to embrace her with compassion. I’ll be forever grateful to her.
Dear Libby,
Your words are so timely and healing. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your understanding ~and your mom’s ~ with all of us.
xo Pam
Dear Pam Thanks for writing to me. Your understanding makes a difference to me, and I’m grateful. With love to you. Libby