Recently, I was faced with a family issue that had nothing to do with addiction, but had everything to do with what I had learned through my son’s fourteen-year struggle with heroin. All the suffering and confusion of those addicted years taught me that I don’t need to give instant answers. I can take time to breathe, keep my wits about me, and stay close. Problems can be opportunities for learning, and I learned in spades that answers aren’t as important as love and hope.
My reflection: During the early years of Jeff’s addiction, my typical response was frustration, blame and anger. It took me years to accept that I was powerless to control his behavior, but what I could manage was my response.
Today’s Promise to consider: We can learn many valuable lessons from the trauma of addiction. Through my son’s fourteen-year struggle, my biggest breakthrough arrived in two words: Stay Close. For me this meant that I didn’t have to jump every time he called with a problem, and I didn’t have to provide answers every time he demanded one, but I could stay close and out of the chaos of his life. Today, I use this Stay Close mantra with all my loved ones.