A young woman who is recovering from an eating disorder wrote to me: This is the first difficult time in my life that I have not been ‘drawn’ back into some form of self-defeating eating pattern! So in that sense it is the BEST difficult time because it is the first time I haven’t felt ‘PANGS’ of guilt or self dislike (or in more extreme cases self loathing). Of course, I’m aware that the pattern will raise its head again, but I am working to stay self aware and to keep letting it flow so that I don’t get pulled back.
My reflection on the passage: Patterns of behavior are hard to break, not just with an addiction but in life. When problems get too complicated for me, I tend to become more demanding, more like my father who was a Marine Corps Drill Sergeant. Being aware is the first step. When I slip, I need to make amends to others and to myself.
Today’s Promise: I will continue to develop an observing eye – that part of me that carefully watches how I respond to situations. I can break my old patterns of behavior with self awareness, honest conversations with others about my feelings, hard work and prayer.
I was just out on a walk in the hills, reflecting on the outcome of my son’s overnight visit. It was painful to see him and know that he’s high. It was even more painful to acknowledge it and be honest about it. I had to ask him to leave. I was thinking, you know, this must be what it feels like to have a son at war on the front line, fighting for his life. He doesn’t want to be there. All a mother can do is pray that her son comes back alive. I hope that my son will be strong enough to survive this terrible war his fighting.
The pain of addiction is excruciating. I join you in prayer that your son will be strong and survive this war. My love to you.
Dear Carri, as Libby has said “stay close”. It’s so important to let stay close to our children and let them know how much we love them and want them to be healthy.
I will pray for you and your son. May he fight this battle until he can’t fight it anymore.
God bless you and keep you through the nightmare that you’re facing…
Love you, Barbara. Thank YOU for staying close.