A young man in recovery told me, You can’t force sobriety on anybody. Cause Mum tried everything. She gave me money, didn’t give me money, made me go to rehab, didn’t make me go to rehab, drove four or five hours to pick me up, and then left me somewhere. No matter how many rehabs I’ve done or how many counselors or meetings I went to, I never got it until, one day, I was just sick of it and had enough.
My reflection: Over fourteen years, I tried to force sobriety on my son in countless ways. I wept, yelled, bargained, and threatened. I would have sold my soul if that would have made the difference.
Today’s Promise: We can try to force our loved ones into sobriety, but with the majority of people coercion doesn’t work. People must be ready to change. It’s a deeply personal decision that can only be made by them. Today, I’ll encourage my loved one to attend an AA meeting or at least talk with someone in recovery. I’ve never seen coerced recovery work, but I have experienced the power of encouragement and ‘staying close.’4980
I love hearing directly from a recovering person. It always gives me more insight into how my son might be thinking sometimes. And this article helps me in the way that I can sit back, take a breath, stay loving, but NOT give in to that urge to force. It’s a good reminder of something that has taken me over ten years to get into my thick skull. Thank you to the writer for that confirmation.
Dear Laurie, I totally agree with you. We can learn SO much for those in recovery. They are filled with hard-fought wisdom. Yep, my skull was thick, too 🙂 …. and it took me 14 years to learn how to, ‘stay close, but out of the chaos.’ I join you in love and prayer.
I now say “stay close, but out of the chaos”
In my head all the time, thanks to you! It helps so much. I hope you and Jeff both know that your 14 year endurance of Jeff’s addiction has evolved into something so big. And so positive. You will never even know the extent of the help, hope, wisdom, and knowledge you have given to me and to so many others.
You are both a gift.
Dearest Laurie, Your comment touches me deeply, and I’ll share it with Jeff. Lots of suffering, but we’ve all grown through it. You are a gift to me. Thank you for staying close all these years. xoxo
Dear Libby: A few weeks ago I lost my second child, my only son, to an overdose. It wasn’t so much the drugs, but the things existing in his brain, bad things about himself, that killed him. Sobriety doesn’t come alone, it Carrie’s awful feelings that make them give up. Once again my heart is broken!
Dearest Mary Ann, I’m so deeply sorry for the loss of your only son to an overdose. Your suffering is the greatest of all. I’m sorry.
Your poem is a powerful tribute to Carrie and the need for us to stay close and continue to love. Your words hit me hard: “A week’s not enough, but it is a beginning…and beginning a life, not weak but brand new.”
I’ll stay close in love and prayer.