An addict writes: I’ve been battling this affliction for the better part of my life. I’m trying again and the task in front of me is daunting, terrifying and hideously familiar. However, I am reminded today that I can get clean, that there is something bigger than myself. If that isn’t a higher power at work, I don’t know what is.
Reflection: As a mom, I never really understood that I could never understand the pain of the addict, of my son. I was so immersed in my own pain and the trauma of our family that I couldn’t see the other side, what my son must have been feeling. The words above daunting, terrifying and hideously familiar begin to paint the picture of an addict’s life as he faces detox, sobriety and recovery. Compassion – we must stay compassionate. The journey into sobriety is theirs; we can only stay close and love them.
Today’s Promise: I will learn greater compassion for my son the addict. That does not mean that I will enable him or give him money that he could use for drugs. What it does mean is that I’ll love him through his addiction. Home won’t go away. I will not abandon him. I will try to understand his shame, his trauma.
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View Comments (22)
Thanks for the reminder that we will never really know the pain and anguish of the addict. We too easily get caught up in our own misgivings about their issues and want them to get a grip and take care of their problem. Addiction is hideous and hideous doesn’t have an easy solution.
This blog is a fine idea. Good luck with it.
This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I enjoy seeing websites that understand the value of providing a prime resource for free. I truly loved reading your post. Thanks!
Dear Libby,
I feel as though I just read my life story. I am also from Maryland and took your book to Italy when I went on a vacation last month. I did not read it until returning to my home in Maryland.
There are so many similarities, I am still shaking my head. I also have two sons. My older son, David, is the one with addiction problem. He is also several inches shorter than his younger brother, Andy. The boys are now 31 and 29. David was also at Father Martins in the late '90's and they sent him to the Boca House in Florida. He stayed there for over a year and I remember hearing the story about the guy from there who relapsed and the great surprise. David said that was one person who he thought would not relapse.
A couple of weeks ago, David entered a halfway house in Severna Park, this is his 15th shot at rehab. I feel that things are a bit different this time and can only pray. I did not think he was going to survive in 2010 and now I do have new hope.
I am also divorced and am a breast cancer survivor. I has a mastectomy six years ago and, yes, David is take some of my pain pills.
Andy got the short end of the deal many times. David required so much energy from our home that often times there was nothing left for Andy. I feel sadness that Andy's life was so negatively affected by his brother's behavior and try very hard to make it up to him.
Andy brings me much happiness and I thank him in many of our conversations. I haven't been proud of David for the last couple of years, and now that he asked for help and went to the halfway house, I am proud of him.
I am also employed at an Independent School in Maryland.
Thank you so much for your wonderful book. It has truly had a huge impact on my life.
Dena
Thank you for reaching out here. The similarities in our stories are amazing, and it proves again and again that addiction doesn't discriminate. It is everywhere and we parents suffer and keep the silence. Addiction suffocates us all.
David asked for help - this is a big step. Dr. MacAfee, Jeff's therapist, once told me, "If we'd learn to deal with addiction with a candle instead of a flood light and hammer, we'd have better results." I never realized how much Jeff suffered, too, and Jeremy.
We'll stay close to both our sons and pray that our first-born sons stay clean, for themselves most of all.
With love and respect.
Libby
Excellent line up, Aliquot! Maybe next year, my book will make it onto the list! xox
I can certify that your headline "compassion
Great Website for Recovering People
http://www.thewisdomoftherooms.com/
thanks for the support site Libby and sons! I have been waiting for this to come on line. I too, have the "story" as everyone else. My son is currently on probation and out of jail in our home, and not even 20 years old yet, this has been going on for 5 years! He is also Bi Polar(or maybe just using that as an excuse), but he is definetly not "done" with the addiction stuff I can see this clearly. However, I do have the court system helping with "making" him stay clean, etc. I look at this as a God Send though it has been very difficult to have him locked up and then we he is home he is not emotionally or mentally well. We also try not to cross the line from compassion to enable, but it is hard to sometimes distinquish. It all has made me sooo sick myself, even with all the Al A Non, counseling and self help books including yours that I devoured in a week, BUT I am learning that he is sick, and just keep telling him I love him and will be there to help him if he is doing the "right" thing, but if not I know that I could have some tough love decisions to make thanks for the site again!
Your book and sharing has been so hlepful to me since I have been gong through 5 years of druguse,addiction and drug dealing with my 19 yr old son. Since being arrested in May for possesion of weed with intent to sell (felony) and then robbery (felony) he appears to be sober most of the time. Hoever he has a court date next week and it is hard to be compassionate right now because he was allowed to live with us until court and he is stealing from us so he must still be using. I am worried that he may just get probation and will want to live with us again and after 5 years of abuse, not sure if that is the right thing. He does not say he wants to be clean, only doesnt want to go to jail. He has a public defender and I will be in court, but so confused. Just venting I guess! I want the court to give him what he needs to wake him up!!! Hoping his higher power will intervene- I am sane because of Nar anon family groups-highly recomend that.