Photo Credit: Mikele Roselli-Cecconi
Dr. MacAfee told me, When families are in the throes of struggling with addiction, they do what they know best: They help and support the addict. Families, however, do not anticipate that the nature of addiction is one of exploitation, manipulation, and betrayal. Oftentimes, the addict exhausts and abuses a family’s resources and good will, leaving the family in a state of psychological and financial desperation. It is not only how addiction destroys the addict, but it is also how addictions destroys the family.
My reflection: When our children struggle, we move in to help; however, the addict exploits this natural act of love and protection. Quickly, the chase of the drug is overpowering. The addict loses himself, and we, the family, lose our loved one.
Today’s Promise to consider: Addiction takes the natural love of a family and smashes it into pieces. The lies and deceit – it’s what addiction does best. Today, I’ll stay close with love and compassion, but it’s imperative that I stay out of the chaos.
Yes Indeed! But staying close too to keep the love gates open. Only with God’s help and HOPE can we do this. Can you imagine how lonely it is for the addict in recovery? Recovery involves falls, it involves shame it involves hopelessness, so if families can stay strong it can only be of help to the addict..today Libby I promise I will stay close. Thank you for all you do.
Dear friend, I join you in hope and love. For Jeff, I needed to stay close, but out of the way. The recovering alcoholic in Italy told me, “Stay close, but don’t give him money for no reason – not his cell phone, car, nothing.” My love to you, Zeenat.
Staying close but out of the chaos is a slippery slope! Addiction senses your resistance and cares less about your love, forgiveness and compassion. Addiction will find a way back into your life, that’s the nature of the disease. The key is how to protect yourself and that is done with three decisions, (1) find a 12 step program and have a sponsor by the third meeting.(2) work consistently with a experienced alcohol drug counselor.(3) Turn your will over to your God and learn to trust Him. Believe me now or believe me later – just how much more pain do you want?
I agree, Pat. Your three steps are strong and keep us safe. Stay close and out of the chaos is difficult. It worked for Jeff. It might not work for everyone. Not sure you ever saw the video he and I made where he explains what happened to him at the end of his addiction. If it’s of any interest, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2O7fCRRx0I&feature=related
Libby, you weave all of us together so that, as families, we know that we’re in the company of others who offer wisdom and strength as we do our best to stay close to our loved ones ~ this is a gift that we all thank you for, more than you may know!
Many who are in recovery from addiction are also dealing with intense depression, anxiety and other complications of this disease which gives an additional layer of complexity to recovery and getting back to a healthy lifestyle. Did Dr MacAfee ever speak on this subject? It would be extremely helpful for those of us who struggle with how far to step back as our recovering family member is weighed down by these additional challenges, sometimes increased by the very medications that seem to simultaneously be necessary.
Thank you for everything that you do, Libby – your words always bring increased clarity. Many blessings ~