A young girl, who relapsed with a crystal meth addiction, wrote to me: I am addicted again. It’s been two years since l relapsed. I am convinced everyone hates me. I constantly hear voices that tell me that they will kill me, I’m ugly, I’m disgusting or that l smell. Some days l have eight showers, and other days it takes all day to have one. Most days, I don’t trust the water out of the tap. I can’t talk with my mom – I’m afraid the stress will kill her. My lifelong friends and family have nothing to do with me. I abuse my mom day and night, and I hate myself for this.
My reflection: Even in the midst of writing this rambling and tragic message, this young girl is concerned about her mother, loves her, and doesn’t want to hurt her. She’s aware of the pain she’s causing and is remorseful, despite her ability to stop using.
Today’s Promise to consider: People suffering from the disease of addiction often act in uncaring, selfish, and manipulative ways. Under the haze of addiction, their behavior often belies their true nature, and their empathy and humanity seem nonexistent. But as long as they are alive, we must hold on to the fact that their core self exists underneath the disease. Today, I’ll continue to hope. I’ll continue to stand by my suffering loved one. I’ll stay close, but out of the chaos of her addiction.
A mom wrote to me: I remember my son saying two things to me about relapse:
A dad wrote to me: I am so tired of the lies and the constant drama that our family has had to deal with. We parents care so much for our children that it’s really difficult to watch them self-destruct. I’m getting much better at realizing that I am in control of just one person: myself. I think prayer is the only answer.
A mother wrote to me: My husband and I have bailed our son out of financial trouble for so long that we have nothing left. And it didn’t even help. I don’t know if we were trying to keep him from hitting rock bottom or trying to keep ourselves from hitting rock bottom. He was a brilliant, athletic, friendly, and respectful child, and we are a close supportive family. None of this makes sense.
Felix Scardino, LCSW, a friend of mine wrote: Take care of yourself while you try to understand that you cannot support another person unless you keep your own footing. The following analogy helps me: It will not serve either of us if I jump into quicksand with a person to save him. I’ll best help the person if I stand strong and throw him or her a rope. To care for myself I might need to take a break from listening or even choose not to be with another if their problems overwhelm me.
Johann Hari, author of 
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