A mom wrote to me: In your last entry, the recovering person wrote that the worn cowboy boots reminded her, “…of the fact that something weathered by experience can indeed be beautiful again.” This idea of weathering made me think of the ‘weathering’ we’ve had with our own parents, children and life’s challenges. Those experiences, no matter how painful at times, can be sources of huge growth when met with honesty and forgiveness on our part.
My response: We all have our own personal histories when the storms of life have tossed us around and ‘weathered’ us. I’ve traveled tough roads, not just with Jeff’s addiction, but also with cancer, divorce and other difficulties. Sometimes I’ve held resentments and have been slow to forgive others or myself. Holding onto the pain wasn’t good for anyone and only prolonged the healing.
Today’s Promise to consider: I will value the weathering in my life, those times of darkness, trauma and suffering. As heavy as they’ve been, I’ve grown through them. We’ve all made mistakes: parents, children, friends and life’s partners. Today, I’ll forgive someone else; today, I’ll forgive myself.
This post is timely. Thank you. I am unable to forgive my son for hurting so many. I was okay as long as he was trying..now he has chosen drugs and crime. I cannot live with this choice with compassion in my heart. I am so angry and I am not someone who holds anger in my heart. Please pray for me to find peace and for my son to return to sanity and his soul to light . Thank you.
This post is priceless!
It is the key to my own recovery from my son’s addiction.
Learning to focus on growing from the experience rather than allowing the experience to build additional resentments and anger freed me from the hold my son’s addiction had on me. Now I am able to forgive him and his actions.
It is the ability to grow from my experiences and forgive that has given my life back to me. But how did I do that? I admitted to God I was powerless over drugs and other people’s lives — that my life had become unmanageable. I admitted to myself that it was my responsibility to make the changes, no one else was responsible.
I sat down in my first support group meeting exhausted and in total despair. My head was bowed and I made the statement out loud that I was at the meeting out of desperation. I remember saying that I was totally lost. The leader that night was standing behind me. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, “You are in the right place, keep coming back.”
I pray that all parents will one day find their “right place” and begin the new life of recovery; discovering a new peace and serenity.
Hope – I can understand your anger. I always prayed that my son never hurt anyone else in the day to day of his hurting himself . Detach any way you can even if it is with anger. My sponsor always said when there seems to be no path then prayer is the only path.
I’ll say prayers for you and him
Pat you nailed it
My personal reflection on this week’s meditation is that forgiveness is a virtue. It’s like Faith, Hope, and Charity. It’s something you must feel in your heart and if you can’t feel it, forgiveness will never come.
I so agree with Jane. Pray and pray some more. Our heavenly Father hears our prayers. He may not answer them right away, but I’ve found that he helps direct us to the right places so we can go on living. I will pray for you and your son. We have all felt your pain and you’re not alone.
I am so happy that you have found the “right place”. You worked hard at finding it. Thank you for helping other parents find their “right places”.
Thank you for bringing “forgiveness” into the light. It’s so difficult to forgive, but forgiveness can lighten our hearts and redeem our souls.
Thank you for your insights and courage. We are all working hard to make sense of addiction, our life within the addiction and our life as it continues. I used to wonder, “Where do I start and stop?” I couldn’t figure out where was the line between being the mother of an addict and being myself. At times, I still find this question challenging, but I have found that forgiveness is the beginning point.
Love you all.
Dear Ones — Thank you. I surrendered years ago– indeed I did and I pray a lot. Sixteen years is a long time and I have not lost faith or hope, But I am weary. Forgiveness comes and goes. Thanks for reminding me I have to keep on finding paths to forgiveness and more courage. I am not sure you can will forgiveness. But you can ask for heart to stay open. Addicition is a disease that hurts so many innocents and that is what I struggle with most. I see my grandson hurt by an absent father. I am not sure what to do with a child’s broken heart except weep and keep loving as best I can. I think there are some things God weeps for, too.Thank you foe being here.
I hear your pain, and I’m sorry, deeply sorry. Through all these sixteen years, I admire your courage and tenacity and hope and strength. We get worn down, beaten up and exhausted; it’s hard to breathe. What used to baffle me most is there are no answers. How could it be that we couldn’t slay the dragon — impossible! Yet, it is possible and it is true. Maybe one answer is in loving our grandchildren, staying close in a way that might help them to grow into warriors for their own lives and freedoms. I don’t know, but I do know that we are with you in love and hope.
God bless you Libby.Thank you. Your words are healing prayers. Muck love, Hope.
On the eve of Thanksgiving, I want to tell you all how grateful I am for all of you, your insight, the sharing of your pain and hope, which is also mine, and for being here. You are all always in my prayers, as are your suffering loved ones.