A mom wrote to me: I once read, “The worst thing for an addict is to see his/her reflection in other people’s eyes.” I know this to be true. My son was sober for almost two years, but when he relapsed he texted his girlfriend that he felt upset because he let everyone down. It proved to be fatal. I am devastated beyond belief and forever haunted.

My reflection: When I read this mother’s message, it hit me hard. Her words make total sense. Our loved ones look into our eyes and see the deep hurt in our hearts.

Today’s Promise to consider: “The eyes are the mirror of the soul and reflect everything that seems to be hidden; and like a mirror, they also reflect the person looking into them.” Our sensitive and suffering loved ones look into our eyes and see our sadness caused by their behavior, our disappointments in their progress, and our hurts with them as our children. This is sad and hard to avoid, but how could they not take this to heart? Today, I must be cognizant of the way I respond to my loved ones. I want them to see my love and hope.

  • quote, Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra
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Pat Skammer
Pat Skammer
24 days ago

I still read your encouraging words long after my son has been sober!
Those feelings are so deep and the wounds will be a part of my life’s story. But…also the victory for my son!

23 days ago

I am so sorry for the loss of this woman’s son.
How very sad. There have been many times that I’ve been aware of the deep shame my son feels. I’m sure it’s what has been responsible for some of his relapses. I struggle and wonder every day about what to say to help ease that pain (thinking recovery could be more possible). My husband feels that the shame could be what he needs, to inspire that recovery. It’s always what to say and what not to say. What could help, what could harm, how to help, how to stand back.
It’s no wonder it’s a disease (of insanity) for the whole family.
My deep condolences to the author for this post. Only by the grace of God have we not experienced that loss.

Diane Z
Diane Z
23 days ago

About the eyes

Diane Z
Diane Z
23 days ago
Reply to  Diane Z

I understand about looking into our loved ones eyes, but my experience is different. My brother, John, an alcoholic, died 6 years ago this July. I had a hard time looking into his eyes and I regret it, I hated the disease so badly. But looking into the eyes validates the person. Even if there is addiction, we still need to let the person know that they are worth our looking into their eyes. Never give up hope and forgive (especially yourself!).