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“I LEARNED TO LET GO WITH LOVE”

A mother wrote to me: I bailed him out and fixed it all. I finally went to Families Anonymous and Nar-Anon and realized I didn’t cause the addiction and I can’t change it – only my son can do that and, by enabling so much, I was doing him more harm than good. 

He was arrested again and remained in jail for three weeks, no one to bail him out. He worked on his own with a public defender to get accepted into drug court in lieu of jail. He now goes to meetings, is drug tested, and meets with the judge. I learned that I needed to let go with love.

My reflection: I have spoken with many young people all over the world and they have told me, “It’s not my parent’s fault. Drugs are powerful, more powerful than you can imagine. I needed to make the choice to stop. When the consequences of my addiction got to be more than I could handle, I made the decision for myself.”

Today’s Promise to consider: I will never quit believing in my loved one who is suffering, but I need to get out of the way and allow her to come to sobriety on her terms. When she’s ready for recovery, I will help. Otherwise, I’ll stay close and wait for her to make the decision of health – not for me, but for herself.

 

 

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View Comments (2)

  • I kept failing at fixing my son then this brilliant idea suddenly appeared in my enabling/codependent mind, I will attend open AA meetings and talk with those in recovery! I will learn what their family and friends did to get them to stop using drugs. I spent a month at these meetings and what I kept hearing was stories of how God entered their lives or when their parents and/or family got out of their way or some would tell me, they just couldn't take it any more. This was not what I wanted to hear but it is what I needed to hear. It is the truth of recovery.

    • Dearest Pat, I love your words, "I kept failing at fixing my son." As hard as I tried, I couldn't fix my son either. You and I followed the same difficult path of learning that we had to get out of the way. As hard as that was, it is truth. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. We learn together. xo