My son recently told me, The biggest realization for me came about one year in when it suddenly struck me that my life was full to the brim in a way I didn’t think possible in the absence of drugs and alcohol. Before I got clean, I saw sobriety as the end of good times and of the refuge I’d come to depend on. Just the opposite was true.
My reflection: I couldn’t understand how my son stayed in addiction for fourteen years. For as much as I tried to fix things, the solution was entirely outside of my control. I had to get out of the way. The answer was in Jeff.
Today’s Promise to consider: Recovery happens and happens every day. Moreover, life in recovery can be full to the brim. People, who are suffering, will stay mired in the abyss of addiction until they decide to change. Today, I pray that all those shackled by addiction will give themselves a chance to participate in the magic of a recovered life.
My son began using at age fifteen and spent the next twenty years in addiction. Of course, there were times he would attempt recovery staying clean for months at a time but then relapse. It is such a difficult life for our children as well as their family. I eventually learned to listen to the wisdom of other parents, like Libby. It dawned on me one day that if the twelve steps didn’t work why are they still being used and promoted so much in the recovery community. If support groups didn’t help how could they still be operating and growing all over the world? Are counselors worthless? If so, why are there so many around? And what about God? Did I really know him? Recovery does come from within but it was patiently waiting for me to take that first step.
Dear Pat, Your hard-fought wisdom rings true. Your last sentence says it all: “Recovery…was patiently waiting for me to take that first step.” When I got healthier and instituted better boundaries, my son got better, too. Miracles happen.
Needed this reminder that recovery can happen. I struggle with understanding also how my son can stay in this addiction so long. He has relapsed yet again . I want to call the clinic he goes to and tell them, but I know this isn’t healthy for me.
Dear Karen, I understand. My son relapsed over and over again and, as hard as I tried to ‘fix’ him, nothing changed. He says today that the consequences of his addiction became so heavy that he had to decide whether he would chose life or death. I live in eternal gratitude that he chose life. Where there is life, there is hope. I join you in prayer for your son.
Where there is life, there is hope.
It will be one year on March 2 we lost our beautiful 37 year old son —who was in active recovery — and father of two.
It has been a year of so much pain. But also,gratitude.
I used to think that feeling so helpless when someone you loved was spiralling down and struggling so hard and so sick was worse than death could ever be— but I was wrong.
It is different pain but not easier. In any way. .
But.. and this is a big but– we saw him full to the brim in his recovery after long struggle with mental illness and addiction.
We saw him happy a lot!
We saw him find his way to God.
Yes, it was always a struggle for him BUT he travelled towards the light and above all else loved so deeply and knew he was loved..
We are so grateful to Libby and her family for helping us know we were not alone . to learn more about addiction, to make wise choices for ourselves, find strategies and learn to accept and love him in his illness –to stay close, no matter how dark things could be.
Be where we were.
We still believe that the depth of our faith, praying to those legions of angels and learning it was his journey alone and not ours to fix may have kept him alive longer and helped his recovery.
And he is never far away.
His body gave out. Not his spirit. Our our hope.
We have such good recent memories to cherish and so that is why I comment tonight– what I want say —to parents who come here just follow Libby and Jeff and Jeremy’s example. Keep the faith.
If you were ever to lose your child , which is the greatest fear, yes, and it is the worst thing, it is –but you will be comforted by knowing you tried always to stay close. And saying I love you— no matter what. By taking care of yourself and having those necessary boundaries to help you stay out of chaos.
As long as they are alive, never ever ever give up hope, keep faith— let them know they are LOVED. Pray.
I can even smile, sadly, but I am comforted, knowing how much our son knew our love and still feeling how much we are loved by him.
Fill to the brim with love and life and hope.
I pray for all parents who this night are loving and praying for their addicted children, those recovered and those in process of finding recovery and light.
And for every addicted soul in the world, in recovery or still using. I pray they feel LOVE, hope, forgiveness, and know that full to the brim feeling and freedom from darkness and suffering of this dis-ease.
Dear Joy, Your words touch me deeply and bring me to the very center of my soul. You lost your precious son, yet you continue to reach out a hand to help others, to fill your life with the fullness of his spirit, and to continue to love in his name. You call out hope and faith. You also help us understand boundaries and why they are so important, for all of us.
I join you in your thought, “As long as they are alive, never ever ever give up hope, keep faith — let them know they are LOVED. Pray.”
Today and every day, I’ll keep you as an inspiration. Thanks for continuing to share with us. Your son lives on. My love to you.
Today is March 2, the one-year mark of your son’s passing. I’ll hold you all close today and pray. I’ll stay close in love and hope.
I love you beyond the beyond, my dear soul sister and kindred mother heart. In the midst of the deepest sorrow, and trying sometimes to breathe through the pain– so much gratitude for you and yours. And for the son who was my greatest teacher and lives on in many ways. Love never dies. God is with us and our Dee is never far away.
…and I send back to you, my dear soul sister and kindred mother heart, all my love and prayers. Our sons remain our greatest teachers. We’ve been blessed with their spirit and heart. Love to you.
My son has been battling addiction for the past 9 years. He has been in and out of rehab facilities , but always immediately relapsed. He overdosed and was within moments of dying , Had it not been for the Narcan he received by a Police Officer. He spent 10 months in a Detention Center, which I believe ultimately saved his life. During the time he was incarcerated, we actually began to rebuild our relationship with him. We had more honest conversations during those weekly 30 minute sessions than in the past 9 years.
My husband and I began to repair our relationship too. We realized that we could never go back to the chaos we had lived through. We would never allow it in our home again. We needed boundaries!!
We learned to have peace in our home and lives.
I never stopped praying for my son. I honestly had begun to lose hope that he would not make it.
He is sober and healthy and I am seeing small miracles every day. My heart is full. I thank God every day. I have my son again . We have lost a lot of time but we have today!
Praying for your son and family and all those families battling this hideous ,horrible disease .
A Grateful mom❤️
Dear Ann, Gratitude keeps me solid, grounded, and realistic. I join you in gratitude that your son is good today. We’ve all lost precious years, but you’re right – we have today. God bless you, your husband, and your son. It’s one day at a time, and today is good day. We’ll honor it. My love to you. Libby