LOVING WITHOUT RESCUING

A friend wrote to me: I think no one but an addict’s mother, family, and loved ones will ever truly understand how much courage, love, and suffering it takes to do nothing. Even staying close means the sacrifice of witnessing without taking the actions that blind love demands. How admirable and impossibly painful it is to love without attempting to rescue.

My reflection: When our children are young, we kiss their wounds and make things better. Addiction robs us of that ability, of that gift. As they get older, we can provide counsel and support.

Today’s Promise to consider: If love could have cured my son, he would have never suffered a fourteen-year heroin addiction. Sadly, love can’t eradicate an illness. Through that stretch of time, I stayed close and continued to love him, but I was powerless to change the course of his disease. The decision to live in the solution had to be made by him. Today, let us act with compassion. Let us find our boundary between loving and rescuing.

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Anne Marie Verrecchia
Anne Marie Verrecchia
21 days ago

I live these words!

laurie b
laurie b
21 days ago

Amen thank you this goes right to the heart ♥️

joy
joy
21 days ago

This is the most profound lesson. To not rescue. To stand by, let go and let God and know the journey is their own. My son taught us that. This is a lesson I am still learning in so many ways. The difference between Compassion and what is called “idiot compassion.” With compassion we deeply care, stay close ,the other, we spin our wheels doing things we think will help but really only helps us feel we are dong something. Isn’t that better than nothing ? No. Loving is not nothing. Just loving is everything. Being there, meeting them where they are. Hard but so respectful. It is not about us. It is their disease which can swallow us if we do not stay out of chaos. I love the poem The Journey by Mary Oliver. These last lines “as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,determined to do the only thing you could do –determined to save the only life that you could save. ”  She means of course, we must let others live their own lives and in letting go, fully living ours, we save our own lives in the same way those we love who suffer, must re-cover theirs. We are together on the journey as families and friends but we need to see we walk different and separate paths from those we love who suffer fomr disease of addiction. It is the hardest thing of all for me for how can we feel happiness, find peace when someone we love is in pain? We each have to answer that in our own way. At least, that is my ongoing lesson. I do not always follow the wisdom or do this with Grace. But I keep trying. Bless you and all you do.

Jan
Jan
21 days ago

I love this! It’s so hard as a Mom to love them with boundaries & compassion & not to rescue them. Thanks for your work. Bless you.

Laurie Maynard
Laurie Maynard
20 days ago

So true ❤ thanks

Ginny
Ginny
20 days ago

As a grandmother, I still play the conversations in my head, that I wish I had had with Kyle. Maybe one sentence, one word, would have stuck…. I’m familiar with addiction, having lived with some form of it all my life. I know I’m powerless, especially over another’s disease. Still my heart breaks, with … I should have done… I should have said…I should NOT HAVE,!!!! Maybe if?? The choice was his. The opportunities to heal were his! But, Dear God, why couldn’t I help him!

Pat Nichols
Pat Nichols
20 days ago

Our children find their own recovery through suffering and so do the parents! I was told by my counselor how best to proceed but did I follow her advice? No, I allowed my heart to continue to lead me. I went to see my counselor weekly and after I discussed a particular situation with my son and how I intervened etc, she looked me straight in the eye and calmly said, “You are not ready yet, this is our final session.” I was fired by my counselor! I had a serious case of codependency!! What I really needed was more suffering and that’s is exactly what I got. Eventually, the suffering got so great I had no choice but to turn my life over to God and trust Him! I went to another counselor and listened carefully and did what he told me. I joined a 12 step program and worked the steps with a sponsor. I educated myself fully on the disease of addiction. I eventually found my recovery, my peace and serenity returned. My son eventually found his own recovery after 21 years of addiction. He has been clean for just over seven years and is a joy to be around Never give up!