A dad wrote: I spent weeks trying to find my addicted son. Eventually, I found him and my plan was to kidnap him and take him to safety. I did kidnap him – he looked like a prisoner from a concentration camp – but I didn’t take him to safety. Once I had him with me, I called my counselor who told me to release him immediately. I opened the rear doors to the van, and he stepped out, hugged me, and said, “I love you, Dad.” With tears in my eyes and a broken heart, I hugged him back, and told him I loved him, too. Then I watch him disappear into an apartment complex. I was sure I would never see him again. Today, he is six years clear and sober, a licensed electrician, and a true joy to be around. Miracles do happy. Never give you hope.
My reflection: I, too, thought I could ‘bring him to safety.’ It took me years to realize that the miracle had to come from Jeff, and his God.
Today’s Promise to consider: My son suffered a fourteen-year addiction, ending with him regularly shooting heroin into his neck and damaging the superficial vein system in his arms and legs. Today, he is almost thirteen years sober, productive, spiritual, and an inspiration to me and others. Miracles do happen. Never quit believing.
Thank you I needed to hear that today. I’m taking baby steps to letting go. Today I refused to give him my last $5 which in the past I would have done. I know that sounds ridiculous but I am not where I can just put him out yet. Everytime I have in the past I let him come back because of the shape he was in.
Good for you Kim! Years ago Joe always asked for $5. I thought he was putting gas in his car
Dearest Kim,
I understand and, with addiction, nothing sounds ridiculous. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life with Jeff, and it took me fourteen years to learn to Stay Close, but out of the chaos of his addiction. Stay strong, and I’ll stay close in prayer.
The man who wrote the story has HELPED countless people. We thank him for his honesty and his willingness to share his story which, in turn, helps the rest of who have struggled with a family member with substance abuse issues.
Thanks, Nathalia, for recognizing this dad’s honesty and willingness to share. We all walk together, and we reach out a hand to help another. Thanks for reaching out.
What would I do without these notes of hope? My son has been at home after an overdose three weeks ago. He goes to a clinic for suboxone once a week and two meetings a week. Has a job he loves and made decision to give me all cash from his paycheck.
I received a text from him this morning. He was cleaning out and found an old stash in a jacket. Sounds like he used. I may need to decide how my boundaries will look with this. My thoughts are I will ask him to attend an IOP program and if he will not do this then I ask him to find another place to live. Damn vicious cycle. Any thoughts are appreciated.
Karen
Dearest Karen, You’re right – addiction is a damn vicious cycle. My prayers in abundance that your son is OK and didn’t use.
Even if he didn’t use, it would be good to come up with a model for what you would do if that time comes. Boundaries keep us all safe. Dr. MacAfee, my son’s addiction therapist, told me that boundaries also keep the addict safe because, ‘he needs to know what he can expect and he needs to trust that.’
My love to you.
these notes of hope are so helpful…the roller coaster of this journey takes its toll…even as I try to “work my own in family recovery”….remaining optimistic and keeping calm as difficult comments are said….it is difficult. miracles do happen…i must not quit believing…even as I express this same thought to my son who is in “sorta early recovery”…meaning not gone through a rehab/treatment program but is current on methadone…the problem is the rest of the wellness/pillars of recovery–no meetings, no job…lost his apartment, expelled from school……we have said he can have housing here; trying to get agreements in place…..harder than i thought to even have the discussion…but, miracles do happen….every day people go into recovery….thanks for listening and thanks, Libby and dad above for hopeful stories…thank you
Thanks for reaching out. I know that place of early recovery and the difficult conversations that happen. You might consider going to an Al-Anon meeting. They were my sustenance, especially at the beginning of Jeff’s drug use (although I still go). The people in the rooms shared their wisdom and their hurts, and they listened to mine without judgment or condemnation. I would have been lost without the meetings.
My love to you and my prayers for wisdom.