My reflection: Through a dozen of my son’s relapses, I suffered. I wondered what I was doing wrong, and what I could/should be doing differently. Every relapse was a red, flashing light that blinded me with a sense of failure. It took me years to understand.
Today’s Promise to consider: Relapse is a gut-punch, instantly dashing hopes and optimism. But the reality is that relapse happens. Each time it did for Jeff, I felt guilt, anger, and betrayal…until one day Dr. MacAfee told me, “Relapse isn’t failure. It’s one step closer to recovery.” I still hold that thinking close in my work with addiction. It buoys me when I hear about recovering people losing their footing. It helps me keep hope alive.
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I really needed this reminder TODAY! Yesterday was a terrible day, my emotions, my thoughts, nothing but negative. The tears just wouldn't stop. I guess it's okay to have a day like that, but it's now a new day. I've heard tears are cleansing. I am feeling cleansed. It's time to put one foot in front of the other. It's time to keep looking up, trusting God! That is where my help and hope comes from, I need to stop looking at persons, places, and things for the contentment, joy and peace I desire. I must come to terms with loving an addict and what that looks like for me. Relapse is a reality - "Relapse isn't failure. It's one step closer to recovery." I appreciate that thought. My son is once again in treatment. Hopefully, one step closer to long term recovery. That's my expectation, I want long term! Expectations trip me up every time! Can I learn to stay in the moment, cherishing today? I should be thankful, grateful, hopeful, but it's hard to muster after the countless opportunities he's had to receive treatment and stick with it. Apparently, I still ask the questions "why" and "how long", "what will it take"? Have i relapsed as well? Some say yes! I must take care of myself. Also a challenge at times but if I expect it of my son, I need to expect it from myself. I've been looking for hope and God is giving it to me, through the nudges of others! Thank you Libby!!
Dear Tina,
I understand and had all of those same emotions and questions of 'why,' 'how long,' and 'when.' I wept through most days, wasn't present, was grateful for nothing, and couldn't understand how addiction even entered our home. You're right about expectations. In AA, there is a saying that expectations are premeditated resentments. The more I expected, the harder I fell. in the end, I gave up all expectations and surrendered. Then, with acceptance and prayer, things turned around for me and for my son. The healthier I got, somehow the healthier he got.
Stay strong. We'll stay close in prayer and hope.
L
Staying close, makes my life and thoughts tolerable. And I see how much it means to my son. I see him so differently than I use to. Thank you Libby. My husband and I have spent 22 years fighting this dark decease, with both our younger children. Our daughter, 36 yrs old, has now been clean for 4 yrs. Our son still struggles daily, he is 34. Sometimes I'm just so tired, I can't think straight. But I am always optimistic
Dear Carol,
I understand. Stay Close made sense to me, too, and gave me a kind-of road map for dealing with my son's addiction. I was worn out and worn thin. "Detach with love" confused me, while Stay Close, but out of the chaos - stay close, but don't give him money -- that I could do.
God bless your daughter who is now 4 years clean. This is huge, and it takes courage.
Addiction suffocates us...and WANTS to suffocate us. Stay strong. I join you in hope and prayer.
L