A father of a son in recovery wrote to me, I wonder if we will ever outlive the scare of addiction. Our family had an incident during Christmas. My three children got into a discussion that became an argument. As tempers rose, my son’s former struggles with addiction were brought up, even though he has been healthy for eight years! I talked with my son and assured him that the past is the past and that we have all had problems in our lives. For the girls, I made it extremely clear that the addiction period will not cross their lips again or there will be severe consequences. I could imagine how he felt under attack for something that happened years ago.
My reflection: I, too, wonder if we will ever outlive the chains of addiction. If my son was recovering from a kidney disease, people would inquire compassionately about his health, but that’s not the case with addiction. Responses continue to range from those of suspicion (Is he still clean? How are you sure?), curiosity (How does he stay sober while working in the music industry?), or contempt (He’s nothing but a drug addict. I remember.).
Today’s Promise to consider: Recovering loved ones need safety and trust. They cannot continue to live their lives under the scrutiny of all that has gone before. They need an advocate, and I will be that person. I will stand firmly for my son and for all those who have the courage to live in sobriety.
I am crying because I had a similar experience with my holiday. This is so true. People are not compassionate to a recovering addict. This family holiday was just small talk and suspicious staring. My son the addict makes more concerning conversation then anyone at my Christmas table. He is compassionate and caring. I am proud of him and his accomplishments. No one else in family seems to think he deserves to be asked, how are you doing
Addiction is like leprosy and it hurts me deeply.
Dear Elizabeth, I understand, and I’m sorry. Your son deserves so much respect for his courage and strength. Dr. MacAfee, my son’s addiction therapist, used to say, “Recovering people are Saints in the Making.” I so agree. We can learn so much from our recovering children. My love and respect. xo